


Broken Hope

by Brokenstar



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First work so probably trash, How does one tag the tag?, Sad Varian (Disney), Threats of Violence, Varian Has Issues (Disney), Varian Redemption (Disney), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-08 06:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 37,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21471385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brokenstar/pseuds/Brokenstar
Summary: It was cold. It had always been cold. Sometimes it was wet in the cell after the rain, the water would drop from the window and into the cell. It was one of the only things to help distract me from the cramps. The aching pain in my stomach cramped day and night, never letting me get peace. But I deserved it. I just wished the guard would let me die, that's really all I wanted to do. There wasn’t anything left for me, why couldn’t anybody see that? I was so close.Just stay together, Varian. I told myself. I only had my mind left, I couldn’t lose that. I heard the all too familiar steps coming nearer to my cell. I tensed, tears threatened to fall all to soon. Just a little longer, just fight a little longer. Then I can be free.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Queen Arianna of Corona & Varian (Disney), Queen Arianna of Corona/King Frederic of Corona (Disney), Quirin & Varian (Disney), Rudiger & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 142





	1. Imprisonment

**Author's Note:**

> 'Ello! This is my first fan fiction so beware! It is a load of crap, so read this 18,600 thing if you dare... I hope its not to bad. I probably will create a second chapter but it might be a while, so I'm not gonna get your hopes up yet. Hope that the characters aren't to OOC to badly, and that the story is enjoyable?
> 
> UPDATE: Sorry that's its been sooooo long! I'm still working on the second chapter, a lot of family issues have popped up that I've been having to deal with. I'm hoping that I can get the second chapter out soon, thanks to those who are waiting!

I had been at my job for two years. After training most days in the duegen were lifeless. Until a prisoner escaped, all the blame was put on us and no mercy. It was the hardest job in all station. After I lost a thief, for punishment I was thrown down in this pit. News was brought down, but nothing interesting up until a week ago. “The Alchemist”, that’s what the people called him. Rumors about what happened spread across the land but nothing much until earlier today. Captain of the guard was injured in his attack and he had a plan set up. All the Guards were called for the meeting.

We were told that the Alchemist, a male, most likely around 18 years of age, had attacked the princess and had kidnapped the Queen. We were told of the battle plan to rescue the queen and to capture the Alchemist. I was personally chosen to keep watch of the Alchemist since I had a good record of keeping track of my prisoners and no escapees. I was told under strict orders to not allow the boy to have any extra clothing, near any other prisoners, or to let him get hurt or die in any way. The last one was enforced by the king and princess themselves. I had taken the assignment clear, understanding that this was Cornia’s top threat.

Hours passed until they came back. I had waited for the guards at the entrance of the prison. The cart rattled forward and 8 guards, including myself, stood for the wooden doors to open. When they did, a glass container was thrown out and broke along the stone ground. A gas broke out, and pink filled the area. I closed my eyes momentarily as a hand covered my. I stepped out of the gas fumes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a small finger dart out into the street. I shouted to the others and gave chase. The Alchemist wasn’t athletic, they only made it a few feet before one of the guards had gained speed behind him and taken him down. He started to shout curses and struggled best he could until the rest of the guards came by and restrained him. His chains had been melted off by some chemical substance and had to be replaced as soon as the guards pushed him to the ground. They held his hands behind his back and I had to wince at the pain. The Alchemist was yelling all sorts of things but was soon cut off as a gag was put on. He struggled but to no avail. A chain was put on his wrist, tightly so. The guards yanked him up and I could see his face and true height. I froze on the spot.

They hadn’t told me it was a young boy. He looked no older than 13 or 14. His eyes were wide with panic and he struggled like his life depended on it. He had pale skin with freckles, a rare sight I had only seen a few have, and bright blue eyes. But what caused most of my attention was his hair. It was messy, thrown about, but a bluish gray streak ran threw his raven locks. 

I broke out of my stare with an order from a guard. 

“Get him in a cell!”

I quickly lead the way for the guards and led to an isolated part of the prison. There they shoved him in , but not without taking his goggles, gloves, shoes, and apron, away. After that the guards left and I stayed. 

I watched the boy. He tried to mask his fear by glaring at me. But I could see through his facade. He shook and curled himself into the cell’s corner. His hands were at his back and he couldn’t remove the gag right away. He seemed to give up after a minute and ducked his head into his knees.

He stayed quiet, and I couldn’t tell if he slept or not. My mind was at a whirl. How did a boy, a  _ boy _ , do all those things that the captain had told us? And for what cause?

The night went on until my shift ended.

\---

I came back in the morning, I was given a 6 hour break for sleep. I had gotten food for the boy and returned to his cell to see his form and an animal. The closer I got, the more relaxed his looked, a sleep. I set his food in the cell and stood. 

It was quiet, I couldn’t wait until I could get a partnern, it would fill up the silences. I heard, after an hour or so, whimpering. I glanced behind me to see the boy curled up and his raccoon, how did that get in here? Trying to wake him up. I wasn’t allowed into his cell, so I could only wait for him to wake up from his nightmare. The boy jolted awake and his breathing came in gasps. Tears sprung into his eyes, he hid his face and let the raccoon curl up next to him. It took about twenty minutes before he noticed my presence. He glared my way.

“What do you want?” He hissed.

I shrugged, “Nothing really.”

The boy didn’t back down. “Someone always once something.”

I glanced at him again. “What’s your name?”

This seemed to take him by surprise. “W-What? Um… it’s-it’s Varain.”

I nodded satisfied that I no longer had to call him the “boy”.

\---

After the trial, Varian didn’t speak unless it was to his raccoon. He didn’t eat either, which worried me, but he at least drank his water. After 3 days he started to write on the walls using a rock, it didn’t work well and he gave up. Later his racoon started to eat the food and try to get Varain to eat.

\---

The Queen came to visit after a week. She tried to speak to Varian, but he wouldn’t even look at her. He instead glared at the floor. Before she left she pulled me out of hearing and asked-

“Is he eating?”

I shook my head. “He refuses to eat, however he still drinks water.”

She bit her lip, looking worried. “Please, get to eat. I’ll see what else I can bring him, he’s still a child.”

I nodded, feeling similar.

\---

The next morning I came with some bread and cheese, hoping that might sound better than the regular prisoner meals. It had been over a week since he had eaten, and at this point I couldn’t let him continue. When I came Varain was in his normal corner. It wasn’t the farthest away from me, but as first your wouldn’t be able to see him. He was awake and looked at the food before turning away.

“You have to eat.” I said, starterling him.

He half-heartedly glared at me and turned to face the wall, ignoring me.

“Please.”

Silences.

“I don’t want to do this.”

He didn’t even appear to hear me. I sighed and opened the cell door. I wasn’t allowed in the cell, but at this point I didn’t even think Varian could stand. Varain whipped his head around to see me walk in. I shut the door and grabbed the plate. I really didn’t want to do this, but I wouldn’t let a child starve to death because of me, not again. I walk towards him, I could the gears working in his head and his eyes went into a panic. He stood up, shaky, still having enough energy to do that. He glanced around, acting like a caged animal. I could see the dawn of it in his face when he realized that there was no escape.

He backed up in the wall, his still chained hands, now in front of him, and tried to push me back. He was still weak.

“W-Wait!”

The sound of his voice surprised me, but didn’t stop me. I grabbed his chain hands and his knees gave out. He went to the floor. I quickly followed. I went to my knees but I quickly regained myself and nudged the chain under my knee. Varian was in pure panic. His breathing was getting quick.

I gave him one more chance. “Will you eat?”

The effect was emitted. He shut his mouth and screwed his eyes shut. I sighed inwardly and grabbed his chin. His eyes flashed open and he tried to struggle. He kept his mouth shut and I knew I couldn’t pry it open, I pinched his nostrils. He held out for almost a minute before his mouth opened and he sucked in air. I put my gloved hand in his mouth to keep him from closing. With my other hand I yanked a small piece of bread and cheese and forced it down his throat. I had to hold down his tongue with my thumb and his gag reflex wasn’t pleasant. I let him breathe in between bites, but I made sure that the two slices of bread and cheese had been “eaten”. But this time he’d gotten his chain out from my knee and was peractily clawing at my hand, but my job was done. As soon as I let him go he shut his jaw and seemed to try to hide in the corner. I didn’t notice that he was crying until later.

After I felt awful, how could I look into his eyes, he was terrified of me, and do that? I wanted to keep any child safe, but that…

He spoke, and hour after the event. “Why?”

I couldn’t even answer him, I didn’t know how.

He started to openly cry. “Why would-? Why?” His breath came in chunks and he sobed. “I was s-so cl-close-! I cou-could joi-join-!” After that he just whimpered.

I couldn’t look at my hands without seeing Varian’s face gribbed in them. I hoped this feeling will fade…

\---

The next day was the worst. He was more alert now. Even when I was standing guard yesterday every noise he reacted to. I came into the hallway and next to the cell. He had his arms wrapped around his legs and watched me put down the food with wide eyes. When I asked him if he would eat he curled himself further into the wall. I sighed. As soon as I opened the door, he begged me.

“P-please… not-t again...please-!”

“Then eat.” I responded.

He shut his eyes and refused to make eye contact. I set the plate on the ground, Varain winced at the sound. I repeated the process again, it felt sickening even to myself. At the end he tried to cough it up, he hacked but nothing came up. He hugged his stomach for the rest of the day. He didn’t even glance at me.

This repeated for three days until I got my partnern. The Queen had spoken to me about Varian, but I only replied that he was eating but not of will. She took that answer in silence and thanked me before she had left.

I got my partner. The guard was named John, a simple name. He was more broad, probably why the king chose him. He took over my nights and should leave to get his rest in the middle of the day. The first day he came near the afternoon, Varian looked alarmed. John looked a Varian studying him at first. 

“This is Coronia’s threat?” He asked. He chuckled, “He looks like a scaredy cat.”

Varain hid behind his knees, a habit he picked up, it was really the only way he probably felt safe being in a cell that was pretty much in the open.

“Don’t let that fool you, he’s smarter than both of us combined.”

John snorted, rounding his eyes. “If I could I would be able to lift him off the ground with one hand.”

Any mention of entering the cell Varian would tense. I’m sure by now he felt like the cell bars are the only thing keeping him safe from the world.

\---

The day went without incident, until the probability of Varian’s daily food, breakfast, came up once I came back.

“What do you mean that he refuses to eat?” John asked bewildered.

Varian flinched and is pressed up against the wall as far as he can go.

“I mean just that. He refuses to eat, so I have to force him.” I replied calmly.

John looked at me weirdly. “If he’s such a threat why don’t you let him die?”

I flinched, images of a blond on the ground, you could his ribs through his skin. I pushed the images back and responded. “Royals don’t want a dead kid on their consciences.”

John nodded still frowning.

I looked at Varian. “Will you eat today?”

He seemed frozen, to scared to say anything. I waited, almost letting him prepare himself. John, being an impatient man, sighed taking the food from me and opening the door.

“If you won’t do it I will.”

I was too surprised to say anything before he slammed the cell door shut. 

Varian, breath hitching, scrambled to the far side of the cell’s corner. John getting annoyed growled out, “Stay still brat.”

John reached for Varian, but mid reach stopped and backed away with a yelp.

“You bit me!”

Varian narrowed his eyes at John and pulled up his knees to his chest. He seemed to be getting more energy from the food so far, even if he didn’t want it.

“Pish off.” Varian hissed.

John, now more mad than anything else, grabbed Varian’s feet and pulled him into the middle of the cell. Varian, now shifting from irritation to fear. His eyes wide as he tried to push John off. John grabbed his chains and pushed them under his knee like I did. He roughly grabbed Varian’s face and prided open his mouth. He stuck his grove in and opened his jaw wide. Varian couldn’t shut his mouth or do anything at this point. Tears started to flow as John forcefully shoved the food down his throat. After the plate was empty John relisted Varian and walked out of the cell. Varian coughed on the ground and didn’t even bother to wipe his tears as he sat up.

John walked by me and whispered. 

“Don’t put mercy on a criminal, that's what gets people killed.”

He walked off claiming his time to sleep. For the rest of the day Varian didn’t look up once, not even when his pet raccoon came. 

\---

After John feed Varian, Varian wouldn’t speak a pip. He would back up in the corner every time on of us came near his corner. He would switch sides, as if the distance of a few feet could help him. I didn’t let John feed him again, he was too rough, and frankly if we wanted the boy to eat of his own free will that wasn’t the way. Each day he seemed to get more desperate to not get fed. Clawing at my arms, struggling until I got his mouth open, he even tried to headbutt me. He would cry and shed tears once the cell door opened, he would move his lips for words but no voice came. I was starting to wonder if this was the best, to let him live. 

The Queen started wanting updates more and more often, she started to wonder what we could do to help him, but both of us were at a loss. Once I came in to feed Varian and I found him with his arms behind his back again and a gag. 

I looked to John questionably. He replied calmly, “Was trying to throw up the food, couldn’t have that so I gagged him.”

My mind into a whirl.  _ How long had he been trying to that? Did he hide it? Was that really the first time? How badly did he want to starve to death? _

I sighed and looked at him, Varian looked back patrafifed. I open the cell door as he hide behind his knees. I stepped inside and went to him. He ducked his head into his knees. I set the food by his side, he flinched violence backwards at the sound of the plate. He tried to kick me but I merely spread his legs apart and sat between them, too tired to really deal with anything like kicking. I grabbed his chin again and tugged off his gag. 

I took a sharp intake of breath. He had dried blood that surrounded his lips. He tried to yanked away from my touch but my grip was firm. 

I opened his mouth to see that he bit his tongue, but I couldn’t tell how recently. Doubt started to play into my mind, did he bit his tongue to stay quiet or did he bit it because of another reason. Did John hit him? I didn’t see any bruises, but his mob of hair would hide something. I pushed my doubts down and force fed him again.

I tried to be careful with his tongue but anything that touched it would send him into wimpers. After it I tunged the gag back on and told him.

“If you don’t try to throw up again, you won’t have to keep it on…”

I couldn’t tell if he had even heard my words as always he hid his face away and curled into a ball again.

\---

We took off the gag and the next day we didn’t have any problems. He still refused to eat, still hoping that starvation would kill him. The next day I walked down again with his breakfast in hand when I noticed someone following me, three people in fact. I turned to face them after I turned a corner.

I was surprised to see the Princess staring back at me after she turned the corner. The came her boyfriend and Cassandra.

I frowned. “Do you have business in the prison, princess?”

The princess bit her lip, “I was hoping to see how Varian was doing.”

I felt my stomach drop, I hated even telling the Queen about Varian much less what I had to do to get him to eat. Now the Princess came at this time? The princess noticed my hesitation.

“Is-?”

“Follow me.” I gave no further instruction as I led the three to the cell. 

Of course Varian had noticed the extra feet sounding down the hallway and curled up on instinct. I stopped outside of the cell and placed the plate on the floor. He tensed at the sound and slightly looked up. I could see him picking a look at who had come through his hair.

The Princess came to a stop at the cell bars. She observed Varian and let out a small gasp. I thought back to how the boy use to look. He had definitely decrease in size from the 20 days that he had been here and his shirt was ragged and torn. It hung off of his shoulders and a sharp shoulder bone could be seen. 

The boyfriend set a comforting hand on her shoulder and Cassandra set hand on her blade, ready for anything.

“Varian?” The Princess asked. 

Varian finched at the name, but he looked up and formed a glare at the princess.

“I-I came to say I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d listen until later…” The words seemed to die on her lips as Varian looked away and hugged his legs closer.

The princess continued to ramble on but Varian seemed to try to block them out. A hand slammed on the cell’s bars making a loud  _ bang _ !

“ _ Talk dammit! _ ” Cassandra hissed out. 

Everyone seemed to jump at the noise. Varain had jumped up pushed himself on the wall. His eyes were wide and breathing quickly. After a minute of staring fearful at Cassandra, who just glared, he seemed to think that she wouldn’t come in and sank into his position before.

The Princess looked to me and whispered. “When was the last time he spoke?”

The question took me by surprise and I think for a moment. “Two weeks ago.”

The princess bit her lip and tried again to speak to him, she even started to get teary-eyed. Then when she mentioned his father and how if they could find a way to save him he broke.

“-and I’m sorry my hair didn’t work, but we can try other things! You did some bad things Varian, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help you! I had to save my kingdom, but I promise you I will try to save your father Varian. I can have Xavier even try to help, but we won’t give up. We can free him, if you help us Varian. He’s-”

Varian jumped up, tears had already started slipping off his face for maybe even the beginning of the princess’s speech. 

“HE’S DEAD!” He shouted, using more volume than ever before.

The sudden motion had Cassandra between Varian and the Princess but after he shouted the area went silence. Varain had narrowed his eyes, but after a moment he seemed to register what he just said. His face went slack for a moment and more tears started to fall. 

I held my breath, I hadn’t been told about his father, but now the pieces started to form together. He had tried to save his father from the amber, using and doing anything he could. The past two weeks make sense, he had no other visitors, meaning he probably only had his father left. And without his father and most likely do to his crimes, the boy had nothing left. No wonder he didn’t want to…

My heart clenched, could I let another child go?

The princess, with her voice shaky managed to whisper out, “W-What?”

Varian tried to wipe away the many tears, exhaustion hit him and he fell to his knees. He sobbed, his grief hadn’t stopped over the weeks.

“Varian… please there can st-” The princess was cut off by her boyfriend.

He shook his head. “Bondie.”

Tears sprung at her eyes. “I’m so sorry Varian! If I-”

“Let me die…” The voice was harsh, cracked, but still Varian’s.

“What?” Cassandra respond.

Varian took his hand off of his face and look us in the eye. “Please, let me die.”

The princess’s clasped her hand over her mouth and left quickly along with her boyfriend. Cassandra stayed and looked at me.

“Does he lie?” She asked.

I looked at his curled up form. I wish he did, but from how he acts, he’s lost all hope, and I don’t know what to do.

“No he-no. He doesn’t lie.”

Cassandra didn’t looked convinced.

I sighed, what's one more person? “He tried to starve himself.”

She started wide eyed. “And you let that happen?”

“No.” I denied, flashes of past images past me. Things I wished I could forget. “I force feed him. Trust me, if I didn’t he wouldn’t be here.”

She looked uncomfortable with the idea.

She didn’t say anything else but didn’t move. I sighed and opened the door, I could feel eyes on me. Varian tucked his head in his knees and cover his arms above. I sighed, why did he still have to be difficult. 

I grabbed his hands, and lifted them up. He tried to kick me, but not with much force. He was probably drained from the incouterment. I grabbed his chin and prided out his mouth. He didn’t fight much, accepting defeat. I let him go and he seemed to fade into the wall. He didn’t try to do anything else.

I sighed and walked back out. When I looked Cassandra was gone.

\---

The Queen talked to me again. She said that the princess had told her about her visit. She then talked to me on what the best course of action. I told her my thoughts of just wanting the boy to have a will again, and she agreed. She was gonna try to get a book for the boy.

She thanked me for doing the job, for knowing how much it must have reminded me of  _ him _ . I nodded without a word and left.

\---

The next day when I sat the plate down in his cell Varian took a step forward and brought the plate close to his corner. I got excited for a moment, I didn’t know what might have persuaded him to eat but I was willing to take the chance. The Varian just sat by it. I didn’t ask him anything and assumed he was just taking his time. 

After three hours I cought on.

I cleared my voice making him jump. “Are you going to eat?”

I watched him, he hesitated for a moment and then nodded. I narrowed my eyes suspicious.

\---

It was now the end of my shift. I looked back at his plate of food. He hadn’t touched it all day, and made me worry. John then came. He greeted me, and I replied back. He looked into the cell and asked about it.

I told the truth and he looked unconvinced.

“Hey, kid!” At the sound of John’s voice Varian instinting tensed. “Are you lying about eating?”

Varian didn’t look at John, not that he really looked at anyone anymore, but he fixed his gaze onto the floor. He looked more guilty than anything.

John took the cells keys and opened the door. Varian looked panicked now, his plan obviously backfiring. John stepped into the cell, I stay behind to watch.

Varian back up towards the wall with his hands out. John advances and drew back his arm. Before I could stop him he punched Varian in the jaw.

“Wa-John!”

Varian cashed to the ground. I opened the cell and put distance between Varian and John. 

John smirked, a chill went up my spine at the sight. “Relax, I was teaching him a lesson. Isn’t no like he has rights in this prison.”

_ He a CHILD! _ I wanted to shout, to show, but all John could see was a criminal. “He is still under the protect of the Royals.”

John rolled his eyes and stepped towards Varian. Varian was still on the ground, a hand cupped his cheek as he just stared at the ground. John picked him up by his shirt and lifted him to his eye level, which for Varian was a foot off of the ground. Varian cung to John’s hand, but maintained eye contact.

“John.” I hissed. I couldn’t attack a fellow guard, but he was almost reaching the point were I wanted too.

John growled out. “Lie _ again _ and I won’t be as generous as to spare you any broken bones…” 

Varian paled, looked more like a ghost. 

“Got that?” John asked, shaking him a little bit.

Varian hasty nodded and was dropped from John’s grip. I rushed to help him but was stopped by John.

“I was just scaring him, he’s fine.” He whispered.

I frowned looking at Varian’s form. He was breathing heavily and was shaking slightly, maybe from hunger. John almost reading my mind pulled the plate over and grabbed Varian’s leg when he tried to escape to the corner.

I froze watching it. Varian was pinned under the man with his hands up above his head.

“Hold his hands will ya?” John asked.

I numbly nodded. He needs food today,  _ I’m sorry Varian. _

I took hold of his hands and held them. His hands were clenched into white fist, and his arms shook. John grabbed his chin, the exact spot of where he had hit Varian, purposeful or not. Varian let out a whimper at the grip.

John put presser of the spot and muttered, “Open.”

Varian did as he was told after a moment. John forced fed him the rest of the food. I let go of his hands and went to leave. John didn’t leave quit as quickly. 

He muttered as he started to release Varian out of his pin, “You didn’t look bad under me…”

Varian, once released, scooted as far away as he could from John, still shaking.

I left as quickly as I could after that. I just wanted to sleep, I had enough for today.

\---

The next morning Varian was still in his spot, however more shaken then last night. He was crying and shaking more. He was still hudded but I could make out the purple bruise on his chin. 

“What’s up with him?” I asked.

“Hmm?” John appeared in a daze. “Oh, he had a nightmare.”

I nodded slowly. I didn’t total trust John, never did. He didn’t see Varian as I did. I opened the cell door again. This time however Varian didn’t even try to resist. He let me grip his chin as I pushed the food down his throat. He just kept crying.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered after. 

  
  


After John left I spoke.

“Did he hurt you?”

  
  


All morning Varian wouldn’t look up or even make a sound. It was like he was trying to hide from the world, he actually didn’t react to anything. It was like he shut down. As soon as I asked he curled himself into a ball.

I didn’t know whether to take that as he didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened last night, or something else happened that I didn’t know of. But it worried me. He hadn’t even tried today. At least yesterday it was something new… I might have to tell the Queen this…

\---

The next day Varian fought again, but otherwise tried to be as quiet as possible, fade into the shadows if he could.

\---

I told the Queen the last three days. She nodded and said she would visit him that morning. I nodded. She also said that she had something that might help.

\---

I came in the morning, feeding Varian, who had tried to bite my hand but was too slow. An hour after I came John left and the Queen’s footsteps could be heard coming down the hallway. I glanced at Varian. He looked as alert as an animal in the wild. He tucked himself further into the corner, I wondered if thought he could push himself into the wall.

The Queen appeared in my vision. I could feel Varian’s eyes on me and could hear the sound of him ducking his head into his knees. 

I bowed as she came. 

“No need.” She replied. She looked to Varian and her hand went to her mouth. He looked worse than the first time she probably saw him.

“Varian?”

He tensed as she called his name. He didn’t respond, as assumed.

The Queen bit her lip, but continued talking as she pulled something out from behind her.  
  


“I heard about your father, and I’m sorry. We gave him a memorial site, not far from old Corna. We-Well, Repunzal left on a trip not too long ago. I hope you know your know that I come in peace and don’t want to harm you.”

Varian tensed more, bringing his legs closer to him. The Queen looked down, saddened by this.

“I… I brought you something I thought you might like…”

This got him to pick up a bit. I could see his blue eyes through the black hair. This encouraged the Queen more.

“I don’t know if you want to come get it but I will leave it here, it’s yours to do with. If you want to rip it up, you can. It is in your belongings now. I hope you enjoy it. Farewell now,” The Queen said.

She left a book on the ground in the cell. The Queen hesitated a few seconds before leaving. I glanced at the cover the book. It read ‘The tales of Flynn Rider’.

I smiled, I remembered reading that book myself.

\---

I came with Varian’s food again. Yesterday Varian hadn’t even gone near the book, but he had definitely seen it. The Queen had requested to be updated every other day on his progress. I had agreed with the term.

When I came I passed John who said he was taking a short break. I nodded and was surprised to find the book gone and Varian to still be asleep with the book in his hands. He hadn’t been reading it but he seemed to want to keep it close by. I bet the Queen would be pleased that he at least hadn’t ripped it.

  
  


He’s awake now. I fed him, but when I came nearer he pushed the book behind him, like he was trying to protect it from me. He has it near always. I think he finds comfort in it. During the night I can hear him turning the pages. I don’t get how he could read it with then lighting, but maybe he’s just flipping the pages for the feel. I had been told by a rumor that he was a bookworm of sorts. It makes sense I guess.

\---

I reported to the Queen about the book. She seemed very pleased to hear that he liked it. After 3 days of him getting the book she wanted to bring him another. She said that there was no harm in a child's reading. I asked her why she brought a book. She stayed quiet for a bit before answering. 

“If I just found out my father was dead, and all my choices were for nothing, and I would spend the rest of my life in jail or I could kill myself. And I chose to attempt suicide, and all day, everyday, I had to be with my thoughts and people wouldn’t let me… kill myself for whatever reason… I think I would want to escape it all. And books can do that to someone. I thought that it would help him…”

Her words echo in my head.

\---

I fed Varian again, he managed to knee me in the chin, I swear I saw a flicker of a smile on his face. But he seemed to always have a blank stare, is crying, or fearful. He took the book out from behind him and hugged it to his chest. 

Then I heard her heals on the stone floor again. Varian looked alarm, for whatever reason and shank back in the corner. He hugged the book like it was his life line. The Queen appeared with a smile on her face.

“Good morning.”

I nodded to her. “To you too.”

She turned to Varian who hung the book and was curled up in a ball again. By his form I could tell he was breathing heavy. The Queen noticed and frowned.

“Varian, are you alright?” She asked.

Varian curled into a ball more, it didn’t look like he was hiding but…It dawned on me. He was protecting the book. He thought that she would go back on her promise and take it back. I leaned down and whispered it to the Queen. Her eyes went wide and she let an “Oh…”

“Varain…” She started. “I’m not here to take the book from you, if that's what your afraid of.”

Varain picked out from his ball. He was still suspicious. 

The Queen smiled. “I told you it’s yours and yours to do with.”

Varian seemed to calm down but stayed curled up.

“I have another book for you.”

Varian lifted his face. He still had the bruise, however it wasn’t as bad as before and was healing well.

The Queen gave a small gasp. At this Varian ducked his head again. “Oh, no, Varian it wasn’t you, I just wasn’t expecting you to be injured.”

She glanced at me. A look of “ _ Tell me later” _

Varian looked to the side the ground.

“Well, Varian this book is more of a science book, but I thought you would find something out of it.”

Varian’s interest picked up again and he looked more willing.

“I’ll set it here-” She placed the book on the stone, inside the cell. “-and I just have one question for you.”

Varian narrowed his eyes. But the Queen continued. “I just want you to answer yes or no. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. It just helps me help you.”

Varian was surprised, and so was I. She didn't mention anything like this. 

“Did you like the book I gave you?” Varian seemed surprised at the question, and hesitated at first, but the Queen was patient. He slowly nodded, tucking his knees under his chin. Blocking the book from view.

The Queen smiled wide, pleased. “Then next time I will try to get you another. Goodbye.”

The Queen left as quickly as she came. An hour after the event, I looked back to see that Varian had sometimes snuck behind me and grabbed the book. He watched me but held both books to his chest.

\---

I told the Queen later that her visits had a good impact on him. He didn’t seem to hide that much, curling up into a ball, and would just sit in the corner. After 3 days of having the science book he read it during the day. Demming safe enough to no worry.

The Queen came back again.

Varian, even when the Queen came back still curled himself into a ball. 

“So Varian.” She started. “I brought you another book.”

Varian looked up, meeting the Queen’s eyes.

She smiled, trying to approach this situation calmly. “You can have the book but I ask more questions.”

Varian froze.

“You can answer them freely, but I’m trying to help you, Varian.”

Varian’s breathing started to rise, the Queen tried to calm him.

“It’s-It’s ok Varian! You don’t have them, but I’m just trying to help you.”

Varian still was tense, but he seemed to calm down.

“I’m hoping you liked my book I brought you…”

Varian nodded his head. I could see the Queen’s spirit rise, more encouraged now.

“Would you like to do Alchemy again?”

The response was immediately. He ducked his head into his knees and started hyperventilating.

The Queen tried to calm him down but nothing would work. I was afraid he would pass out. After 10 minutes the Queen left, hoping that her lack of appearance would help. She left the book, ‘ _ The Adventures of Flynn Rider Volume 2’. _

He calmed down a little bit after that. Sometime during the time when John came back he had gotten the book. It and the science book sat by him, but he kept the first book close to his chest.

\---

I told the Queen that he still kept the books near him. She smiled and replied.

“Good, I was afraid that I…”

I bit my lip. “I was told he loved Alchemy, so why who he react that way?”

She looked worried mother other her child. “I don’t know, I thought he would perk up at the thought.”

I nodded, asking a question that had always been nagiging at my mind. “Why are you so involved with Varian? He kidnapped you, and if I’m correct, almost killed you.”

She looked surprised and then masked the feeling with a sorrowful. “I didn’t get it at first, but after a couple of days after the battle I realized that… he’s not bad. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone. In captivity he told me as much, I think he got carried away in his despair and failure. He’s just a grieving child, dealing with his grief alone. I-I can relate to him.”

That put me through a loophole. “What do you mean?”

I tried to think back, then I remembered. I criticized myself for forgetting, still the Queen continued.

She started, her voice softer than before. “After Rapunzel was taken, I… I felt like a part of my soul had been taken. I kept questioning how I could continue on… feeling much like Varian does. If-If not for Frederick I’m not sure I could made it, I would’ve drowned in my own grief. I’m trying to be like that to Varian. He was good before, and I’m sure he can come back. “

I nodded, we parted ways.

\---

The Queen came two more times with new books, however Varian didn’t answer the questions again. 

“Did you like the book?” Nothing.

“How are you feeling?” Nothing.

“Would you like a notebook?” Nothing.

It felt like he was scared to answer, like he believed something would happen to him if he did. The Queen avoided mentioning anything to do with Alchemy. He kept the books near him, stacked next to him. During the day he would flip through them. He sat normal and something would walk back and forth a few times. Probably getting his blood flowing. He didn’t curl up as much and the last visit with the Queen he sat cross legged. It felt like their at least was some progress being made after the month he had spent here. However he still refused to eat, no matter even if I did force him.

He did learn the times when the Queen would come. He would pick up a couple of minutes before she came. 

Then it was all destroyed.

\---

I came with his breakfast, and even before I came, I could cry of some sort. I walked into a sense. I froze at the sight, my stomach dropping.

Varian was in the corner hugging one of his books to his chest like his life depended on it. His face was hidden by his hair but by the sound and seeing the tears fall off his chin I could tell he was the one crying.  _ Gee no figure? _

The stack of books he used to have next to him were all over the floor. Pages had been ripped out and were scattered on the ground. Some ripped in have while others were in paper balls.

I looked to John to ask for an explanation to see him have a black eye. But my shocked face he knew the question and answered.

“The kid punched me after I tried to… to stop him from throwing up.”

I looked to scattered books on the floor. A lump formed in my throat. “What about the books?”

A smirk flasted across John’s face before it was gone. “After he punched me, for that and instead of the gag, I thought I’d show him his consequence. I let his favorite one stay though.”

_ You deleted all of our progress! Look at what you’ve done to HIM!  _ I wanted to shout, but I couldn’t. I gritted my teeth so hard I wondered if they’d fall out. The King commanded him to be here, even the Queen had said that she had tried to speak to him about it but it was useless…

Maybe if I told Varian to Behave he wouldn’t be set back. Who was kidding, I don’t even know if he understands us anymore. It’s been two weeks since his last spoke.

I sighed, let’s just get this over with. I opened the cell door, Varian didn’t move. I stepped over the pages, caught my eye. It had a stain on it, but I didn’t pay much mind to it. I walked over to Varian.

He was looking down, I lightly pulled up his chin, he didn’t resist much. I sucked in a breath as I saw what he was holding. It was his book, but unlike what John had said, the cover had been ripped off. It was Varian’s favorite by far. Once Varian seemed to understand why I was here he tightened his grip on the book. Afraid that I would take it.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and brought the plate closer to him. He winced at the sound. He lifted a shaky hand and gripped my hand with food. I shook the hand off and forced him to eat. The tears didn’t stop, and I wondered if he had a headache because of them.

After I fed him, I stood up and gave one last glance at him. The sight sickened me. He was so skinny, he wasn't much when we brought him in, but he seemed almost unrecognizable now. You could still see his blue stirk, but his hair was in knots and everywhere. His blues looked dull, without the spark of life. He looked broken.

Then Varian wasn’t there anymore. It was a blond boy. A tan shirt with burnt marks cover his torso. Without it, he would’ve looked like a skeleton. He sat down in the small makeshift shelter. He smiled, his cracked lips bleed, but it didn’t stop him from the action. His voice echoed in my head.

_ “It’s ok, you can eat. I’ll get something later. Just eat for me, ok?” _

Then Varian was in front of me again. I left the cell and stood next to John. After an hour, Varian had run out of tears. The Rest of the day, he stared out into space. Like a statature.

\---

The next day the Queen came. The cell had been cleaned up, somewhat. The pages had been picked up and placed back into the books. Varian kept them by his side still, he didn’t uncurl his form. It worried me that he was so still, thinking back, he didn’t move much before and he definitely isn’t moving now. I sighed, there wasn’t much I could do to help.

The Queen didn’t bring anything with her, just her bag. Varian noticed her and hid his face in his knees. The Queen spoke softly, but as soon as she did Varian tensed. 

“Good morning Varian, I hope your doing well.” The Queen paused, looking at Varian with a saddened look. “I heard what happened, I’m guessing that you didn’t want that to happen.”

Varian started to shake. He looked up and whatever the Queen was going to say died on her lips. Varian’s eyes were glossy and he moved his lips to say something but nothing came out. It took me a moment for my brain to register what he was mouthing.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeated over and over again. Each time he got more distressed. At the last time mouthed something different. “It’s all my fault, It always is.” He broke into a sob and cried into his knees.

The Queen covered her mouth and whisper his name. She looked at me and asked to enter the cell. I hesitated, if anything happened to her it’ll be my fault.

“ _ Please. _ ” She asked.

I glanced at Varian and nodded. I unlocked the door. She walked quickly, I followed her, trying to stay cautious. 

The Queen went to touch Varian, but he strunk away from the touch, eyes wide. His breathing quickly escalated and his tears continued to fall.

“I won’t hurt you, Varian.” She whispered.

He tensed as she moved forward and shot a hand up to protect his face. I watched the Queen, curious now to she what she would do. He shut his eyes and bit down on his lip, awaiting a hit that would never come. The Queen slowly reached out a hand and pulled it away from his face. She cupped his face lightly and whipped one of his tears. He looked frozen and stared up at her shocked.

“It’s okay, Varian. I’m not mad, if you want I can find you new books. I-”

Varian cut her off as he wrapped his arms around her. My first reaction was to drag him off or pull out my sword in defense, but then it dawned on my. He wasn’t attacking the Queen, he was hugging her. The Queen was shocked at first, stiffening, but a sad smile spread across her face and she gently hugged Varian back. 

Varian continued to cry for a bit, but the Queen didn’t seem to mind. She softly whispered words of encouragement into his ear, and ran a hand through his hair. It seemed to comfort him as soon he released her and wiped his eyes. He looked to the ground, ashamed.

“I’m sorry.” He mouthed again. His voice was gone, I wondered if he even had in the first place.

“It’s okay Varain.” The Queen reassured. She lightly touched his hand, making him looked up to her. She smiled. “We all make mistakes sometimes. I make mistakes. It’s all right, okay?”

Varian slowly nodded, he looked away. He curled up again, his chains rattled as he moved, but the Queen didn’t mind it. She bid her farewell and promised a surprise for her next visit. Varian watched her, and didn’t hide his head. There was progress today, progress that would bring back the boy.

\---

The Queen came again that night. After my shifted she would wait at the end of the passageway of the castle. Her normal navy cape was replaced by a crimson one tonight.

“I want to bring it to him.” She said as soon as I was in hearing range.

I frowned. “You said that you’d get the King’s improvement first?”

She sighed. “We both know he’d never agree, besides, I think that it would really  _ help _ him.”

I felt conflicted. I wanted to help him, but I hadn’t gotten his trust and he hadn’t earned mine. And who knows how he’d use…

I shook my head. “You saw how he reacted. We can’t-”

“I know but I-”

“Your majesty.” I winced as I interrupt. “He’s still that same kid that tried to starve himself. The risk that he will try to hurt himself is too high. Give him the journal. That will help just as much, and if the King orders, we can go through it just to make sure nothing going on. He might even write to speak.”

She took a moment to listen to my reason. Letting her shoulders slump, she accepted defeat. “Alright, until he can prove himself. I’m still coming tomorrow… and thank you, friend.”

I smiled. “Of course your majesty. But may I ask why you comforted the boy?”

She hesitated, but she was honest with her answer. She had always been honest. “I’ve never gotten to raise a child… you know this.” 

I felt pointed out, but nodded. Memories came back. Remembering the times spent watching the stars. Times spent in comforting each. Time were it was just us, it hadn’t just been us, but that was after.

“I’ve always wanted to raise a child.” She continued. “After Rapunzel, I-I felt like it might have been a sign that I shouldn’t have one. Even the doctor said that with my condition after Repunzel I shouldn’t even attempt to try. Fredric even agreed. I… I’ve never really been able to be a mother.” 

She let a broken laugh. “Even Repunzel came back-She was already grown! I’d missed her  _ entire _ childhood, I try to be her mother now but… I miss it.” Tears started to cloud her eyes. “I missed her first steps. I missed her first word. I missed the day where she fell in love. I missed it all. And what can I do? Nothing. I can’t-can’t f-fix it.”

She started crying. Without thinking, I hugged her.

“It’s alright.” I said.

The Queen shook her head. “I missed it all.”

“But your here for her now.” I continued. “In her years of growth in the world, your here. When she’s unsure, your here to help. That’s all you can do.”

The Queen nodded, wiping her tears from her emerald eyes.

“Thank you.”

I nodded with a smile. “I’m always here for you. _ ‘You for me, and I for you.’ _ ” I quoted.

She snickered. “We made that promise when Willow pranked us.”

I grinned. “Well I guess... I just remembered after the prank backed fired and I had pink hair for a week.”

“It was just paint.”

“You don’t understand how hard it was to wash!”

She rolled her eyes. “I missed your humor.”

I winked and smiled. “Had to lighten the mood.”

She smiled back.

“You didn't tell me why you comforted Varian however.” I committed.

“Oh, um... yes.” She glanced away for a moment. “He’s father is gone, and he had no one left and I… I thought-I thought that since I’ve never been able to be a mother that…” She let out a sigh of defeat. “I wanted to be able to be a mother again. To someone else who’s also hurting.”

I frowned. “He tried to kill you.”

She shook her head. “I told you before. He only wanted to free his father. He’s hurt just as much as I did, once.”

I understood. “Just please don't do anything that would harm you.”

She smiled. “Don’t you trust me?”

We bed are farewells. It was nice to act like friends again, it felt to long since we’d talked at friends.

\---

Varian was huddled in the corner but kept his head up.

“Hello again Varian.” The Queen greeted. “I hope your doing better today. I brought something like I promised.” Varian seemed to perk up at this.

The Queen pulled out a book with a pencil. At first Varian frowned. Noticing that it wasn’t just a book. He seemed cautious now.

“Well,” The Queen started. “Its a journal. You can write whatever you want. Feelings, stories, memories, anything you wish. You could write down your Alchemy notes. Or draw pictures. It’s up to you. It’s your choice.”

The Queen held out the book, a motion that suggested for Varian to come get it. I almost told the Queen that she was rushing it too fast. That he wouldn’t come close to the bars. But she proved me wrong. He stood, shakily and walked two steps before stopping.

I was surprised to see him even attempt to stand but I didn’t understand why he just stopped. He was looking at the Queen, but his gaze flickered to mine. It dawned on me that he was afraid I would do something. I slowly backed away from the bars. He took this as it was ok to grab the book. He slowly crept forward and bent down to take the book from the Queen. The Queen loosened her grip and let him take it. The Queen watched carefully as he sat down near the bars and flipped through the blank pages.

I couldn’t see, but I could tell the Queen was smiling. “If you want to Varian instead of talking, you can write down what you want to say to us.”

At this he froze. The Queen stumbled back in her wording. “But the choice is up to you.”

After talking a few nights ago, we had decided that Varian seemed to freeze on anything that involves him to communicate or sounded less than option. We decided that when talking it was best to when asking a question to also tell that it was optional to answer.

Varian seemed pleased with the book and flipped to the front page which had French written. He paused for a moment and the Queen answered.

“ _ Plus est en vous _ . It means ‘there’s more in you’.”

Varian thought for a moment and slightly nodded. He picked himself up and sat back down in the corner. The Queen stay a little longer, but Varian seems too interested in the journal to reiger her words.

\---

“Did he write anything?” The Queen asked. 

It had been two days. The first two days Varian had just flipped through the pages, pondering what to put. After John came back, he scoffed at the journel and muttered something about  _ “He has it too good.”  _ Then today he started to draw something. I couldn’t tell what yet, but it seemed to take a lot of thought for each line he did. He would draw a box, then ten minutes later draw a line. He wrote next to his drawing, but I hadn’t looked at it. 

“He spent more time drawing something, but wrote something down.”

She lit up at this. “Oh good. I was hoping he’d use it. I didn’t take him as the drawing type, but I’m just glad he’s using it.”

I smiled with her. It seemed good for Varian to put his mind to something.

\---

The Queen couldn’t come to visit Varian for a week, due to the fact that she had to welcome new forgains that wanted a peace treaty between Tlain and Cornia. Two Banques had been held and all week she had to keep company to the Senators.

But in this time Varian was flying through the journal. He drew constantly as well writing a few paragraphs. I hadn’t wanted to take the book from him, and instructed John not to either. With this new progress he seemed to become more comfortable and less tense. Instead of spending his days staring off and thinking he seemed to be glued to whatever drawing he was working on. I hoped that he would put trust in us, the Queen and I, to show us freely. That would also be a step forward.

After the Senators had left, I expected the Queen to take a break for a day. But she came that moring. Varian was finishing writing something when we both heard the  _ click _ of her heels on the stone. 

He calmly shut the journal and curled up, but keeping his head up. The Queen came into view. 

“Good morning.” She greeted.

“Good morning your Highness, I didn’t expect you.”

She glanced at Varian, “Well it had been at bit and I wanted to visit.” She gained eye contact with Varian. “I hope you liked the Journal, I’m sorry I haven’t visited. I was caught up in politics.”

Varian gave a small nod of understanding.

The Queen spotted the Journal in his hands and asked, “Have you written in it or drawn?”

Varian looked away, it looked like… he was ashamed. The Queen noted that as well. “I’m glad you're using it. My I see what you’ve drawn? I was told you drew in it.”

Varian tensed but placed the journal in front of him. It was an invitation into the cell for the Queen, as Varian made no move to the cell bars. She looked at me expectantly. I unlocked the doors, but stayed near the entrance of the cell. The Queen bent down and opened the journal. I looked over her shoulder, curious as well. 

The pages were full of drawings, but of mechanism and machinery. There were pictures of the full picture and others of how it works with smaller mechanisms. Whatever he was writing wasn’t in any language I had ever heard of. It looked like scribbles to me, but he seemed to take such great care in making everything in the book perfect. Everyline was straight and every word was neatly done. He had a least filled the book half way with the drawings. Towards the center of the journal there were more chemical equations that I would guess would be for his Alchemy. The pictures and depthness of it all was beyond me, but what I would expect to see from a professional then a child. This kid was a genius, sometimes it was hard to forget that. 

The Queen smiled, awed at the pages, and held them like they were rubies. “Varian this- Varian these are wonderful! The detail, and you even switched the language-!” She seemed more proud than anything else. “The complexity of it all, I’m really impressed. Maybe later you can even build these with some supper vision.”

Varian blushed. It surprised me that he could even get that color in his face. It seemed like he had been pale for so long. I could see some of his freckles better now. He almost smiled, he seemed close, so close to being happy. Genuinely happy.

It made me smile to see him coming back. Progress had been happening, he was so close. 

\---

After that, Varian still refused to talk or eat, but he let the Queen into the cell with him. When ever John or me entered. He tensed and reacted. He knew that I was the one who forced fed him, but for John… I guess he never like him. Fighting less, maybe try to kick me but would stop. I tried to be gentle with him, but he never made it easy.

His stubbornness reminded me of- I stopped myself from that thought right away. I didn’t need that this morning. The Queen came again, two days after her last visit. She seemed happier, she seemed to have more energy. I guessed that she realized that she had been accepted by Varian, and he was comfortable with her presence.

She entered the cell again, sitting near Varian, he didn’t seem to mind, and she talked. She talked about one of her adventures with her sister, Willow. I had heard the stories before, so I observed Varian. The Queen had also warmed up to his presence, she used to come for only about 15 minutes, but today she seemed more aware how her presence affect Varian and stayed for an hour. Varian payed attention to all the details as she talked. He glanced at her a couple of times before looking back at the floor. 

After her story she asked, “So Varian, what do find interesting in engineering?”

We had talked before about what would be safe to bring up around him to maybe talk about, but hopeful would use the journal to write to us. We settled on the subject to  _ never _ ask about Alchemy until the right time.

He looked at her, tense again, but not afraid. She nodded her head in the direction of the book. Subtly hinting towards writing his answer.

He hesitated, but the Queen was patient. He flipped to a blank page, which with every new day was becoming hard, and picked up a pencil. He wrote a bit, maybe a paragraph. The Queen glanced at me with a hopeful smile.

He waited a minute, re-reading his answer before deming it good enough and flipping it around to show her.

She read the answer, and I looked over her shoulder to read it as well.

‘_I like to create inventions to help people. I like being able to think about a situation from a different angle, and create something new. I like being able to work with my hands on a project and see what was once just scrap metal into a machinery that could help plant crops or provide hot water. I…_’ It continued on, but that's as far as I got to read. I felt myself smile, and without a doubt I knew the Queen was smiling too. This was the first time he communicated with us so far. Other than “yes” and “no”.

“I’m glad you like engineering, I will try in the future to see if you can create something. If you translate what's in your journal, to make sure it’s not harmful, then maybe you even do that. Does that sound okay?” She asked.

Varian bit his lip, but nodded. He put away his notebook. The Queen bed her farewell and left.

\---

“He wrote.” 

I nodded, smiling at her enthusiasm, a wide smile filled her face as well.

“I didn’t think he’d even write.” She ameited. “I thought he would react or ignore the question… but he didn’t.” 

“He’s making a lot of progress.” I committed, I was amazed that it had only been three months since the battle.

“I want to give it to him.” She said softly.

I sighed. “We agreed-”

“Did you see?” She said, interrupting. “When I complimented him, he was  _ so _ close to smiling. I want to see him smile. I want to see him laugh.”

“The king will  _ never _ -” I reasoned. She was already going behind the Kings back by giving him the journal or entering the cell.

“I know.” She stated.

I paused. A realization dawned on me, and I felt pity for her. “You can’t be his mother, Arianna.”

She silent for a minute. “He doesn’t have anyone, you know this. I thought that, well Rapunzel’s grown and if he tries to fix his mistakes then we could help each other. He’s still young, the prison is no place for a child an-”

“What would your husband say to this?”

She looked away guilty. “He put him in there, and I know if he knew what I was trying to do he would never agree to it. Then there’s Rapunzel… she still is wary of Varian, for good reasons, but… I can’t get him out of my head. I see all the people of Cornia and everyday I think, why can’t he join them? Hasn’t he suffered enough? His father is gone and his lost all hope. Isn’t that enough? Why can’t he join them. Why can’t I move on from Rapunzel’s taking and come to terms with that I’ll never be a-a-a-a-!”

Here eyes filled with tears until she couldn’t talk anymore. She cried again and I hugged her, patting her back softly like when were kids.

“It’s okay.” I whispered.

After a few moments she wiped her eyes. 

“I wish I could get over it.” She wipered.

“You never do, you always have that part of you that wishes for it. Whether its a person or motherhood.” I said. 

She stared at me as guilt climbed up her face, she put a hand to her mouth. “Oh! I’m so sorry! I never thought to ask you how you were dealing with Varian! And how it was like… ”

I looked away, gritting my teeth. “It’s fine, is been years. I should be over it by now.”

She frowned. “I know you still have nightmares. You even said yourself that some things never leave you.”

I barked out a bitter laugh. “I was stuipid kid that couldn’t think of others before himself. How could that ever change? I’m still as selfish as ever. It’s good that still haunts me.”

“Please- What about Varian? Your caring for him.”

I thought back. I care for Varian, even if he acts like a memory that haunts me. I wanted him to get better, I want to see him improve.

“See,” She said, knowing my thoughts. “Your not selfish. I’m just sorry that he…”

I waved her off. “It’s fine. I need to get my emotions in check.”

She looked like she wanted to say more, but stopped herself, nodding. “Okay, okay. I think it’s best to get some sleep.”

I nodded with her and we parted ways.

\---

Two days went by without any incident, Varian continued to read and draw. I came in one morning to see John with a bangued hand and Varian curled up in the corner, thankful I didn’t hear any crying. 

I bit back an outlash of asking why John always had to delete our progress, to reset us back again. I just hoped Varian would still write. If he continued we might find some other things out. 

“So,” I started, trying not to sound bitter. “What happened to you?”

John growled. “The stupid raccoon got in again and bit me when I tried to throw it out of the cell.”

I thought that maybe I was still dreaming, but a quick pinch in the arm told me otherwise.

“A raccoon?” I asked. 

“Yeah, I think he befriended it or something? Bit me, that little-!”

“How long has the, um, raccoon be coming?” I frowned. Varian never had a raccoon.... Oh. The first couple days I remember seeing it, then never again. I completely forgot about that thing...

“Yeah, the little pest had come through the window, almost every night, the boy sleeps with it. Acts like a dog, curls up by him. Whenever I come near the thing growls at me.”

I felt my frown deepen. Why did Varian only sleep when the raccoon was near? Other prisoners basically sleep almost all the time. Did he only feel safe with the pet near?

“Intesting.” I committed.

All day he sat curled, or until John left. He seemed to feel more comfortable with me. He would just sit, or until I entered the cell. He didn’t read or write all day. The next day he drew a little but didn’t seem to be in the mood. If I caught him, sometimes he was glaring at John. I just was more thankful that the Queen came when John wasn’t here. I don’t think Varian would’ve let her sit next to him if John was there.

I thought of another question the Queen could ask Varian.

\---

The Queen came again suggest to play 20 questions. Varian hadn’t heard of it and Queen explain with some add rules.

“I will ask a question that you will answer, and then you ask me a question that I will answer. If you don't like the question, then you don’t have to answer. Is that okay?”

Varian thought about it, and nodded after pondering it.

The Queen smiled and clasped her hands together. “Great! What's your favorite color?”

Varian wrote it down and showed her. ’ _ Blue _ ’. He pulled his blueish gray hair to see as if it would be obvious. Then he wrote down her question, ‘ _ What is your favorite activity _ ? ‘

She thought about it for a moment. “I think reading, there are so many books. Even though I don't have all my adventures, my books do it for me. What do like other then Macherny?”

He wrote this one down quicker.  _ ‘ _ _ Reading or cooking _ ‘ he answered.  _ ‘ _ _ What’s your favorite place to go? _ ’He hesitated before asking.

The Queen smiled, “Right on the cliffs next to the sea at sunset. It’s beautiful, and it was the first thing 

I saw after Rapunzel was born.” 

Varian seemed to wince at the name of the Princess but listen to every word the Queen spoke.

“Now, your question...what do like to cook?”

Varian froze, both me and the Queen shared a look, afraid that it was an over step on our boundaries, but he wrote down his question. ‘ _ I enjoy baking cookies and pies. _ _ ‘ _ . He started to write answer but finding and error erased and started over.

They continued asking back and for questions, more just finding out about personalities, but then after 15 questions the Queen asked a question. We discussed that after he seemed okay answering questions then we’d ask harder ones that may help his progress.

“Varian, what do think of your guards?” The Queen asked.

Varian stopped. He froze, not even breathing.

“Just tell me if you like them or not, or if they annoy you, or-”

He shook his head. Refusing to answer the question. The Queen stopped talking, and lightly touched his hand, trying to comfort the boy.

“I want to make sure their helping you.” She meant,  _ ‘how’s John treating you?’ _ but didn’t want to point suspicion.

He wrote slowly, and it took him a minute before showing the Queen. ‘ _ Guard gone during night is okay, he doesn’t bother me until I have to eat. Guard gone during midday is bad, he ripped up my books _ ‘. 

I frowned at his wording, I know he has a large vocabulary and better grammar than most, in other questions he had showed that. Why was trying to avoid the question?

“Okay, thank you Varian I just wanted to make sure. I will talk to John about his behavior. Thank you. I have to leave now, but I’ll visit again.”

Varian nodded. Still uncomfortable, he waved goodbye to the Queen, a new surprise again. The Queen smiled and left.

\---

The next few times she came he opened up a little more, and for a week nothing set him off. He answered questions, and seemed more open to talk about Alchemy. The Queen encouraged each new step he took. He began to walk around the cell more and sat in the corner. The Queen had to give him another journal since he had filled up the other one. In two weeks things were looking up. 

There was just one question he refused to answer. Why he was mute.

After this improvement the Queen wanted to take him outside to the gardens for an hour. She said that she had earned his trust, as he was fine with physical touch with her and her presence, and he hadn’t done anything to hurt her or attempted to.

After John came back, the Queen came. She nodded to me and John. She had told John about her plan and told him that she had the approval of the King. She opened the cell door and becked Varian out. She told both me and John to back away from the cell and just stay behind them, and not to interrupt. 

Varain didn’t seem to understand, or didn’t want to. The Queen came into the cell and lightly grabbed his hand.

“It’ll be alright, just follow me.” He nodded to her words and let her led him out.

He stopped before they left the cell. He stared at the ground, unsure as if to pass.

The Queen lightly tugged his arm. “Just keep your eyes on me, okay?”

He nodded and didn’t look down again. She led him through the maze until they reach the door. She opened it to reveal the bright sunlight. Varain shut his eyes tight, and he took a minute or two before his vision cleared. I wondered how long it had been since Varain had seen this much sunlight. Two months, three? How long since he bathed in it’s warm?

He and the Queen took small steps until they reached the garden. Varain had been barefoot, I forgot, but he didn’t seem to mind. His eyes glanced everywhere, taking everything, and he seemed more in awe then anything else. His toes twisted the grass and he walked over to a bush and picked off a leaf and felt it. He ran it through his fingers and played with it for a moment before he started to shake. The Queen, glancing an alarmed look towards me came over and tried to see what was wrong.

He hugged her as she whispered her concerns. After a moment he resisted her and sighed ‘ _ happy’ _ . During the two weeks the Queen had tried to show him some sign language in case he didn’t have his journal. He learn some but didn’t actually show his progress until now.

‘ _ Thank you’ _ He sighed.

“Oh!” She hugged him. “Your welcome.”

It made me smile that he was so joyful, finally.

After a few moments the Queen gave Varian a short tour and the rest of the two hours was spent as Varian walked around with the Queen by his side. The Queen told him about the flowers and their meanings, things I didn’t pay much mind to, and other stories. Near the end of their time, Varian ran off for a moment, but still in sight, and ran back to the Queen.

In his hand was a yellow rose. I didn’t know the meaning but the Queen acted like it was made of diamonds. Even from a distance I could tell she got teary eyed. She smiled brightly and kept him close. They returned back to cell, Varian didn’t smile but from his body language he was happy. He seemed to have more energy, almost bouncing at every step.

\---

That night the Queen spoke to me again. She was still smiling but she just told me, “Even if your right, that I may never be a mother, I’m content with my fate after today. For the first time I felt like a mother. Rapunzel was different, I’m still her mother, but I feel more like her conseral. I know it will take time when I will feel like her mother again, but for today I think I got what I’ve always wanted.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“To feel like I’m helping him grow up. To see him grow up.”

\---

The next day he ate willingly.

I came normally, John passed me as I walked towards Varian’s cell. Varian stood by the bars and waited until I was near them. I came up, I didn’t see him right away, and he stepped up to the bars and took the plate from my hands. I watched him, hoping that it wasn’t like last time. He took the bread off of the plate, ripping a piece off and looked at it for a moment. He then took a bite. It was hard at first, I could tell he was having difficulty swallowing but he finished the plate. I didn’t know if he realized, he probably did, but he made the statement that he’s got his hope back. That he is willing to fight for his future and hope for a better life.

After my shift, I wasted no time to find the Queen.

\---

Then after Varian finished eating, only a minute later she came, smiling brightly. I still was so glad he started to eat, that he found his will to  _ live again _ . The Queen came and nodded to me and John to follow her. I unlocked the door and the Queen motioned to Varian for him to follow her. He frowned, and signed ‘ _ where?’ _

The Queen replied. “It’s a surprise.”

Varian, trusting her, followed along. John and I followed behind, still not knowing where she was taking Varian. The Queen reached her destination and opened a door. It was one of the empty rooms in the Prison, but in the room was a table with glass containers and liquids.  _ Alchemy _ , my mind answered. Varian paused looking as it, still as a statue. 

The Queen leaned in besides him, and whispered, “You can do what you want. You have some materials, just don’t hurt yourself, okay?”

Varain nodded, but I don’t think he was even aware he did. He stared at the table for a time before looking at his materials and getting to work. The Queen stood next to me and let John leave, or commanded him to. Once he left Varian seemed to relax more and moved. He got to work, arms moving in motion like he was born for Alchemy. He never hesitated and didn’t seem to even have to think about what he was doing.

The Queen’s never ending smile only seemed to grow as she watched him. She asked quietly, “He did eat today, right?”

I nodded, keeping my voice down. “Yes, I still can’t help but stare.”

She watched Varian as he poured on of the solutions he had made into a container that was over a flame. The solution turned dark purple and he slowly poured it into another container.

“Your sure he isn't making a bomb?” I asked questioningly.

She gave me a look and replied, “Yes, I trust him. He hasn’t broken it yet.”

We watched Varian ran around the table floating from one solution to the next. After thirty minutes he coming all of them and turned to the Queen. The solution had decreased in side and was now in a contain that could fix over my finger. He shook it up before handing it to the Queen. It now glowed a light purple. Then after a few seconds bright yellow, almost looking like a mini sun, appeared in the purple. Then it disappeared. Varian watched it carefully as well. It was mesmerizing. The yellow would reappear in the purple before vanishing, but it was beautiful. When the Queen looked up, Varian was smiling. A genuine smile. 

He signed ‘ _ Thank you, for everything.’ _

It was one of the Queens happiest moments. She talked about it days afterwards, and I can see why. It was nice, really nice, to see Varian happy, to see his emotions change from fear and anxious to joyful and pleasant.

\---

“I’m doing it.” The Queen declared that night. “I’m getting out of the prison.”

I agreed with her, but with this comes so many other problems. “Are you sure? It’s only been four months… I believe you can convince the King, you have your way, but what if the people find out?”

She pondered for a moment. “I will take the risks. I will ask tomorrow, both Frederic and Varian.”

I nodded, biting my lip. “Are you sure?”

Still smiling, she confirmed, “I want to, if he’ll let me.”

\---

The next I felt anxious. I couldn’t stop myself from fidgeting and glancing towards Varian. Varian, noticing this seem on edge, jumping at every little sound, much like myself. I heard the familiar  _ clink _ of the heels down the hall and my nerves escalade. What would Varian’s reaction? Would he want to risk angering the King? Honestly, I felt like the Queen was rushing this too much, but if I was in her position I would do the same.

The Queen came and I unlocked the door for her. Varian looked at her questioningly.

“I want to ask you a question, you won’t need your journal.”

Varian bit his lip but nodded, stopping his hand that flew to the book.

She took a deep breath, she needs to accept whatever his answer, good or bad.

“I want to ask you… if I can convince the King, would you want to be free?”

Varian’s eyes widened. He sucked in a breath, and his breathing quickened. He paled more. The Queen bent down and asked if he was okay. 

He nodded his head, and used his signs to tell the Queen ‘ _ I don’t want to be alone again.’ _

The Queen’s face softened.”I can convince the King to let you stay here. I enjoy your company, and I won’t mind having a companain every now and then.”

Varian frowned, thinking deeply. He signed ‘ _ I don’t want to become a burden on you’. _ I had to adept he was a fast learner on the sign language.

The Queen smiled. “You’d never be a burden on me.”

Varian looked conflicted. I’m guessing he’s found that the cell his in if safe for him. Stepping outside is dangerous. A caged bird that doesn’t know how to fly. If it worked out, it would be good for both of them. They connected, even I could see that, but how would that affect the future? How would the King and the Princess reacted?

Varian slowly nodded, he seemed terrified at the idea, but he puts trust in the Queen. Trust the Queen will value and bust her confident.

The Queen smiled again, wider. She lightly touched Varain’s cheek. “It’s okay, Varian. I will make sure you will be alright. We’ll do this together.”

Varian didn’t look too convicted. The Queen pulled him into a hug that he seemed to melt into. She left a few minutes after. 

Before she left, I ask her, “When will you ask him?”

She hesitated. “I-I think that I will ask tonight. Giving him time to think it over. Tomorrow I will present my case to him. I  _ will _ convince him. I just hope soon…”

I nodded. “I will be here for you, if needed.”

“Thank you friend.” She said softly.

\---

She came that night.

“So?” I asked, nervous.

She took a deep breath. “He didn’t take it well, as expected. He said we’d speak at breakfast about it.”

“I’m sor-”

“I’m not going to lose.” She said, determination behind her words. “I’ll find away. I’m giving up hope.”

I grinned, mermeies filled my mind. “Didn’t think you would.”

\---

_ I ran away, clutching a bag in my fingers. My breath came in gasps as my lungs burned. I hid behind a tree, looking behind me at the road. No guards or shopkeepers came. I let out a sigh of relief.  _

_ I opened the sack to see a loaf of bread with an orange or two. I looked up expecting to see someone or hear them but no one was there. My mind whispered doubts. That's not how this memory goes. She stoo- _

_ I called out to my brother. _

_ “I got cheese! Wh-” I entered the shelter, shaped more in a tent like form. I looked to the floor. He was always sitting there. He was there when he di- _

_ “Guess what I found, bro.” I heard behind me.  _

_ I swinged around to see him, I hugged the dirty blonde.  _

_ “I thought that yo-” I started but I noticed my older brothers form wasn’t right. I looked down to see his skin turning dark purple blue. I pulled back to see my brothers face ruined. His eyes sunken deep and lips and skin dried like swirled grape. His skull could be seen through his skin.  _

_ He looked at me and said out with one last dying breath, “I found my  _ ** _killer_ ** _ .” _

_ His formed lunged at me, going for my neck. He started choking me, I found it hard to breath and tried to pull his hands off. I looked at his face in horror as bugs started crawling around and his eyes were replaced with empty dark socakes.  _

_ He seemed to smile as he said. “Don’t fight, we’ll be together again. Isn’t that what you always wanted?” _

_ He pressed down harder on my neck and I forgot how to breathe. _

I gasped awake, hands going for my neck. Finding nothing there I had to remember my surroundings. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. My bed was wet around me, along with my skin which told me had sweated badly. I got up and had a drink of water. 

I hated having nightmares, they set a beginning of a bad day. I remember that this was the day that the Queen was going to ask the King, I probably wouldn’t hear from her for a couple of days. The King could be stubborn sometimes.

\---

When I came with Varian’s food, once he saw me he signed to me asking, ‘ _ Any news?’ _

I shook my head and Varian seemed much quieter today. It didn’t bother me much, I had many things on my mind as well.

Nothing happened all day, and it seemed… quiet. I was walking back to my room when I was attacked from behind. I was hugged and turned to see the Queen. She released me but she was excited.

“He said  _ yes _ !”

It took me a moment to process what she meant. “You mean-?”

“Yes.” She clasped her hands. “I can set up a room from him, he will still have guards, but after doing some community services he will granted a pass. I can see him as well!”

“How did you convince him?”

“Well I ,” She stumbled a little bit on explaining. “We talked for an hour at first and then had to do other business. Later, he asked why I wanted so badly to free him. And I told him everything.”

“Everythi-?”

“Yes, I told him about his refusal to eat and too me and wanting to still be a mother. The books and journals. He asked if Varian agreed to this and I told him some of are conversations. He agreed with the terms, evenatally.”

I nodded. A weight seemed to lift off of my chest. “So when are you going to tell him?”

“Well I was going tell him tomorrow moring, but I would need to set up his room and-”

I cut her off. “Tell him after you’ve set everything up.”

She smiled. “Yes, yes. I apologize. I’m getting ahead of myself.”

I grinned. “I’m happy for you, and also glad that I won’t have to stay in the duggans for a bit.”

She laughed at the poor joke, and plans were made.

\---

Varian was fidgety today. He still ate, thankfully. However, he was trying to read the first Flynn Rider book, but had been staring at the page for the last ten minutes.

Near the afternoon two guards came. John had been back for at least an hour when they arrived. They gave me a letter in trade for the keys. I quickly skimmed the letter, it only had a few short sentences.

‘ _ I have everything sorted. Varian is to be cleaned up before escorted to his room. John will bring his books to his room. Stay with him.’  _

I thanked the Queen for commanding John to not be in Varian’s presence. John still seemed to set Varian on edge. I assumed it was due to how John disliked Varian as well or how roughly he had treated him.

Varian was taken from his cell, he went quietly, but spared a few glances at the books. He bit his lip the entire time.

I nodded towards John. “Bring the books to the room.” 

John rolled his eyes as I gave him the room address. I followed Varian through the twisting hallways until we reached the washroom. The guards took station outside the room as I lightly pushed Varian in. His eyes roamed the area, as he guessed the purpose. I grabbed his hands and unlocked the metal chains. When they clattered to the floor, Varian seemed to stare in shook. His wrist were red and dried blood told me that I would need to bandage them.

Varian rubbed his wrist, wincing at the feeling, but slowly undressed. I turned away, giving the boy some privacy. I heard the splash of the water, and glanced over to see Varian already inside the tub. A bar of soap sat next to the tub that Varian would use. Varian seemed to take a few moments of enjoyment sitting in the water before washing himself.

I flinched every time I looked over to see his skinny chested. Memories of my nightmare perked up, and I had to distracted myself. I had memorized all the cracks in the door when I felt a slight tug on my sleeve. Varian was dressed again, but clean. His skin tone didn’t seem so pale against the dirt and he looked like he had gotten more sleep recently.

I looked at his wrists, and went to the other side of the room to grab some bangdes. It looked like Varian had washed near his wrists, making the purple bruises now seen. Varian stood where he was, looked unsure. It was a change from his cell and he didn’t look like he likes being this out in the open.

I walked back to him, pulling his hands closer to get a better look. Varian gritted his teeth, his wrist must have been bruised all around. Near his hand, the cuffs must have rubbed a lot and cut into his skin. Some areas seemed to still be bleeding. I started wrapping and Varian bared through the pain in silence. Near the end of hand number one, I tied it and Varian let out a small whimper.

“Sorry.” I whispered out.

I couldn’t stop, but I didn’t want him to think me more like John. Varian nodded any looked away from his hands until I was done. I picked up the chains from the floor and Varian seemed to freeze. I could feel his star on me when I set the chains on the table.

When leaving, Varian glared slightly at the chains. He followed me out of the room and was escorted out of the prison. 

I looked back once or twice at the boy. He was admiring everything, almost as if trying to memorize everything. We came to room. Again, the guards stood next to the door. I lead Varian into the room where the Queen seemed to waiting.

As soon as we entered the room her smile widened. 

“Good afternoon Varian.”

Varian, tensintion seeming to fade, stared at the Queen. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but I was told that I sure prepare first. This is your room now. I guessed your size, but there are new clothes. Your books are here, an-”

The Queen was caught off as Varian hugged her tightly. Surprised, the Queen stilled, but wrapped her arms around the small figure. I watched them for a minute.

The Queen, always comforting Varian, seemed to have a motherly presence. Remembering years before, she had always wanted to be a mother. Even at a young age. Dealing with children seemed second nature to her. But after Rapunzel, she seemed to slip, doubting herself. But her confidence was back, along with her wish. Varian seemed accepting towards the Queen, setting an emotional bond with her.

Varian released the Queen and signed.

I couldn’t see the signs, but the Queen smiled. “Your welcome Varian. Your books are here as well.”

The Queen justered to the table in the back of the room. Varian ran over to his book, turning each one over to see the cover. After Varian seemed satisfied with his whole collection he frowned slightly.

‘ _ Will I need to be investigated?’ _ He signed.

“What do you mean, Varian?” The Queen asked.

Varian seemed to hesitate, and though before he answered. ‘ _ Will the guards look over my room sometimes? Will I be interrogated incase I have a plan to escape?’ _

“Will you?” I asked. Surprised that I even asked. 

Varian looked at me alarmed at first, tense, but shook his head. ‘ _ No, I don’t have anything left. _ ’

Queen, now close to the table, reached out a hand and set it on Varian’s shoulder. I could tell Varian held back a flinch. The Queen spoke softly, “You will be… investigated… by the King. It was one of the only things I couldn’t persuade him from.”

Varian, shoulders slumped, looked away and fidgeted with the bandages around his wrist.

“But,” The Queen continued, “That is the worst of it. I will be in the room, so don’t fret.”

This helped encourage Varian more, he signed back, ‘ _ When?’ _

“Tomorrow.”

\---

John and me stood outside the doors of Varian’s room, while the boy got dressed. Before I left and stood post, he was still reading some of his books. After the Queen had left yesterday, Varian immitally investigated every inch of the room. He seemed to be looking for a hiding spot of some kind, but he knew I was standing inside....

I just hoped he finally fell asleep, the dark circles under his eyes worried me to some degree. I knocked on the door, giving Varian sometime to prepare himself. I opened the door, John looked behind me, and I stepped in. Varian, bandages still around his wrist, choose to wear some of the new clothes the Queen had prepared. It was a loose shirt, a darker navy, and brown pants with older boots on his feet. He seemed more comfortable with clothes that fit and didn’t hang on him. The Shoes seemed to weird him out, but he didn’t do anything.

His hair was brushed, I could only guess how long it took, and he looked slightly healthier. I set the plate I had been carrying on his desk, breakfast.

He played with the hem of his sleeve before raising his hands to sign to me. ‘ _ When do I meet the King?’ _

“An hour from now.” I answered.

He nodded, still playing with his hem. I closed his door and stood next to John.

“I don’t get why he signs.” John grumbled. “The boy should just speak if he knows what's good for him.”

I had to remember that John had always been absence when the Queen came, and sign language had flown over his head.

I stayed quiet on the matter.

\---

I had brought the nervous Varian to the King. The Queen had told me that they would be in a more private room, only the King, his advisor, and a translator would be presence.

We stepped inside. The Room had been a negotiation room, a long table stood in the center. The King sat at the end with his advisor, while the Queen and Translator stood near the other end.

Varian avoid eye contact and sat across from the King. Varian kept his hands on the table, ready for any sign, but at the moment played with his bandage.

The King cleared his throat. “Hello again, Varian.”

Varian winced, and kept his face lowered.

The King continued. “Today I will just be asking some Questions, you must be honest and answer, understand?”

‘ _ Yes _ ’ Varian answered, going tense. The Translator repeated out loud what was being signed.

“Good,” The King nodded. “Now, how old are you?”

“Fourteen.” 

“What is your eye color?”

Varian frowned at the table. The King was testing his patients.

“Blue.”

The King leaned back, studying Varian, changing him with harder questions.“Now answer honestly, you intended to harm anyone by trying to escape or bring your father back?”

Varian winced at the end of sentence, but answered with shaky hands.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” The translator said, speaking for Varian. “I won’t hurt anyone.”

The King raised an eyebrow. “What about the battle in old Corna?”

Varian physical froze at the answer, lowering his head to almost touch the table.

He signed, “ ‘ _ I didn’t mean to-I got carried away with everything- _ ’ ”

“Got carried away? You almost killed my Wife and the Captain's daughter!” The King raised his voice higher. “You almost killed Ranpunzel multiple times, I almost lost her  _ again _ . Do you know wh-”

Varian stood up suddenly, Tears streamed down his face as he signed frantically. 

The Translator rushed to translate for the King.

“I know exactly what it feels like!” The Translator rust on his speech, his voice loud. “I was trying to save my dad! You would do the same for your daughter! What do think I feel now after I realized that everything I did was-!”

Varian stopped, his posture going slack. His eyes widened at a realization, his hands froze in the sign of ‘ _ pointless _ ’. His tears didn’t stop, he raised a hand to his mouth as he let out a choked sob. He dashed towards me and tried to run out the door.

“Varian!” The Queen called.

Before he could go through the door I grabbed him. Using the momentum I swung him into my chest. Leaving the room wouldn’t be good, not to mention whoever could be outside. I grabbed his wrist, and tried to hold him there. He pulled, and weakly kicked me before crumbling into a ball and wept. I held him in my chest, sunkent to floor next to him. The Queen rushed over, not to the King’s acceptances.

The Queen kneeled down and opened her arms, welcoming Varian into a hug. Varian not even lookings signed, ‘ _ He’s gone-He’s gone-He’s gone-’ _

The Queen pulled Varians hair back from his face, whispering. “It’s okay, remember I’m here, I will help you Varian.”

The Queen gently pulled into a hug. Stroking his hair lightly.

After a minute or two, Varian pulled out, and the Queen asked, “Are you okay now?”

Varian nodded, not making eye contact. ‘ _ I’m sorry’ _

The Queen frowned, “For what, Varian?”

‘ _ Everything. The Battle, hurting Rapenzel, crying-’ _

The Queen smiled. “Varian, you can’t apologize for crying.”

Varian frowned. ‘ _ But I seem to cry all the time’ _

The Queen chuckled. “That’s alright Varian.”

Varian was silent a while longer. ‘ _ I won’t hurt anyone -you- again-I promise’ _

The Queen stilled, then taking her delicit fingered she tilted Varian’s head to look at her. “I know you won’t. I trust you.”

Varian looked shocked at first, but a small smile came across his face.

The Queen stood up, along with Varian. Varian hid behind the Queen and stuck close to her, gazing at the floor. The Queen walked towards the King and spoke confidently.

“We will talk later Fredretic. For now, that is all your question.”

“Wh-wha-wait!” The King stuttered out. “Arainna, I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

I could tell the Queen gritted her teeth, but she maintained her posture. “He will not hurt me, and if your translator could see what he signed you’d believed me.”

The King glanced at the translator as the Queen led Varian out of the room.

\---

The Queen never told me what happened after that, but I learned to trust that I didn’t need to know. The King seemed to just accept the fact that Varian was staying, and it made the Queen more joyful.

Over the next week, me and John took are regular shifts. During the morning hours, the Queen would visit. She and Varian would be able to talk for hours. The Queen came almost every day, and stayed for about two hours. During then, Varian sometimes learned more sign language, and he and the Queen would talk about all sorts of events. The Queen would talk about her childhood, many stories I remember by memories and her tales. Varian would sign about his childhood memories, even though he was still in his childhood, but when ever mentioning his father he would still or go into a daze. It was some of the happiest time I saw him. He mostly wrote during the day or read, he would pace in the room when he would get stuck on a problem. He seemed much more comfortable around me now. Sometimes he would ask how the job was or how I was doing. I didn’t know what he was like before, but bring him out of the cell seemed to be the best decision, other then allowing him to do Alchemy.

He seemed kind, unlike some other teenagers now. He didn’t have anything come up after meeting, no crying or shut downs. Shut downs were the worst, as he didn’t seem to be aware of anything. I didn’t even know what caused them in the first place. Then of course progress was destroyed. 

I came with breakfast for Varian, greeting John with friendly “Hello”, and unlocked the door to see darkness. Varian, after he woke up, would open the curtains, a window higher than his chest, to the window. Some lanterns would also be lit, he seemed more comfortable with the lights. I think it reminds him of the cell.

I set his Breakfast on a table searching for him. He wasn’t in his bed or seat. My heart raced for a second, almost scared he gave into his temptation. 

“Varian? Where are you?”

I heard a small whimper behind me, I didn’t see anything but the couch and dresser. I heard hyperventilating, but couldn’t see the cause. I got on the floor and saw Varian squeezed behind the back of the dresser and couch. I didn’t even think a book could be squeezed behind there. Varian looked at me with wide eyes, terrified. But he seemed to be somewhere else, not really looking at me. He was still, A hand clamped on his mouth, like he was trying to silence himself. His eyes were red, but he seemed to be out of tears. 

The a deltail appears to me. In his position, the only way to get to him would be to squeeze under the couch and grab him. But no adult could do that…

“Varian? Can you hear me? Can you get out?”

He didn’t seem to register my voice, and pressed himself into the wall. After about twenty minutes of trying to get him out I gave up. I sat for another thirty minutes and decide to leave the food and leave. I couldn’t him out and I didn’t know what could. It worried me. What would make him shut down again? Was it a nightmare?

I walked out and John gave me look, smirking he asked. “What were doing in there?”

I frowned. “He’s behind the couch, I couldn’t get him out to eat.”

“I could get him out.” John suggested.

I shook my head. “No, just leave him.”

Truthfully, I just didn’t want him to make it worst. Even without Varian reacting to something, he sets the boy on edge.

A little bit later the Queen came. Before she went in, I stepped in.

“Your majesty, Varian is… having a shut down. I would leave him be for a while until he calms down.”

The Queened looked worried now, “How bad is it? He hasn’t had one for almost two month!”

I opened the door to darkness. The Queen stepped inside and shut the door, looking around.

I jestered to the couch and bent down to see Varian. His eyes were still open and nothing seemed to change. The Queen took a sharp intake of breath. This was the worst one yet. I knew she hated seeing him so terrified. She tried to speak to him but he didn’t seem to hear any of it.

She left quickly after that, looking like she was on a mission.

  
  


She didn’t return until dinner time. The Sun was still out, but darkness was quickly approaching. I hadn’t checked on Varian for a bit. I followed the Queen in the room. She opened the windows, the sunlight shined in, lighting up the area. She bent down to see Varian. He was squinting, blue eyes tried to adjust to the new light. 

“Good evening Varian, can you come out?” The Queen asked.

I couldn’t tell if he nodded, but after a few minutes he crawled out. The Queen smiled at the progress, Varian didn’t even make a move to sign the Queen. The Queen grabbed his sleeve, wasn’t that yesterday’s shirt? She lead him out of the room.

***

My eyes were still adjusting to the sunlight, but I recognized the Queen’s voice anywhere. How long had it been since-? I stopped myself their. I promised myself never to think about it. I shouldn’t have let down my guard, I wasn’t safe anywhere… The Queen, she was always safe. She was safe, and my hiding spot was safe. I let her guide me. 

We left the guards, the good one and bad one, John. I focused on my breathing,  _ just keep breathing, that's all I can do. I’ll get over it. I have to be strong, Dad would’ve wanted me to be strong _ . I looked out of the windows we passed by. The Sun was setting.  _ Oh, it’s been a day… _

The Queen lead me down twisted and turns. We reached a door, she opened it and we stepped outside. Just being in the fresh air enlightened my mood. Other thoughts were pushed back as I admired the beauty of the world.

The birds sang,  _ how long had it been since I heard them? _ The Breeze played with my hair, and the air felt clean. It reminds me of good memories.

The Queen lead me down a path, soon I saw the sea. It stretched out for miles as it reflected the sun’s light. We stopped at a cliff, overlooking the ocean. The capital was behind us. A few weeks ago, I would try to jump off of the cliff, but… now I have an anchor. I looked to the Queen’s smiling face.

“This is my favorite spot, especially when the sun sets. It calms me.”

I looked back out. Under us, I could hear the waves crashing into the cliff, the breeze kept the air light, almost chilly, but not yet. The blue sea reflected the yellow rays, and the clouds were a bright orange. Some birds flew out, guiding themselves with the wind.

“When I was a child,” The Queen started, gaining my attention. “All I wanted to be was a mother. When it was confirmed that I was going to have a child, I felt such joy. I would get my wish… but then I got sick. At first I didn’t know what to think, but the more I thought about it, I didn’t care, just as long as my child survived. Then a miracle happened. A flower came that would heal me, and everything went fine. I thought it was a sign, that I was meant to be a mother, that this was chance. With Fredretic and I, and our new born daughter, I could have a perfect family. Then  _ that _ night came. After it seemed the whole world was against me, I fell into a depression. With friends I was helped, but I still longed to be a mother. When Rapunzel came back I was overjoyed, yet I had missed her whole childhood. She was even raised a woman who had Rapunzel call her  _ mother _ , I didn’t get a chance. I’m happy with my relationship with Rapunzel now… but I guess it was fate that declined my wish.”

I looked at her, scared to answer. Did she want me to take that place? I couldn’t- No I  _ can’t _ . Mother is gone. Father.... is gone. But I can’t, this is all too much.

‘ _ Do you _ ’ I began. ‘ _ Want me to- _ ’

“No.”

Her bluntness surprised. She took me by the shoulders, I held back a flinch. “Varian, you lost your father and your childhood. I’ve lost motherhood. I want us to help each other. We can’t gain what we’ve lost, but we can try. I want to help you Varian, if your let me.”

‘ _ What about you?’ _

The Queen smiled, her chestnut hair flowed in the breeze, and her emerald eyes bright. “Just helping you will give me joy. Everytime I comfort you, I finally feel like a mother. I would never want to replace your parents, I just want to help you.”

‘ _ Why?’  _ I found myself asking. Tears sprouted in my eyes. ‘ _ I’m too broken to fix- I can’t give you anything for your kindness- I have nothing left!- what if I hurt you again?’ _

“Varian…” The Queens voice softened. “Just your company is good enough, the past is gone, we have to live in the present now. I want to be there for you, Varian.”

The Tears fell unwillingly. I felt so weak, but every time I tried to stop crying I just cried harder. I learned to just trying, much with almost everything. I was grateful for the Queen, there isn’t a word for the relief that she brings when she around. I never really had a mother, Dad never talk much about her. I think I reminded him of sometimes. But I feel like I’m betraying them by allowing the Queen to take that spot. 

_ She doesn't take that spot _ . My mind whispered.  _ Just helping me, she said was enough, that with just that she was satisfied. Maybe… letting her help isn’t betraying my parents. They wouldn’t be proud of me weeks ago until she helped. Maybe I can allow that. Maybe she would be ok with that. _

The Queen waited anxiously for my answer. I turned to her and nodded. She let out a sigh, and smiled. She pulled me into a hug. I smiled in her embrace as we watched the sun go down. I wish this calm, this relief, could last forever.

Against my mind, or all my thoughts that spoke against it. I found my voice. 

“Thank you, for everything.”


	2. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M UPDATING-REPEAT I HAVE AN UPDATE!  
Hello, welcome to this weird word arrangements called a story. Where nothing seems to make sense in this. And the second chapter is somehow longer the first.  
;) Good luck reading!
> 
> And thanks for those who commented, it was a nice encouragement!

“Thank you, for everything.”

The voice was as horse as I thought it would be, and most of the syllables seemed to flow together or weren’t pronounced at all. Almost like the tongue forgot how to form the words. I could barely make out what the words were supposed to say, but I didn’t need to guess. The tiny details were overlooked as I pulled out of the hug shocked. Varian’s eyes wided looking at me surprised.

“You-You spoke?” It was more of a statement but I wondered how I could even fathom this moment.

Varian quickly looked away, shoulders tense. I scolded myself for such a miss step. I gently reached out a hand and lifted his face slowly. 

My smile returned, “Varian… I’m so proud of you. I wasn’t expecting you to speak so soon!”

Varian returned eye contact and a small smile grew on his lips. He stared at me, unsure of what to do next, he opened his mouth before biting his lip.

I quickly searched my mind, he didn’t seem comfortable speaking.  _ I couldn’t rush it, no I can wait. _ I told myself, when he feels prepared we could practice. 

“You don’t have to speak Varian.” I confronted, after hearing the words his shoulders slumped into a more relaxed position. “You can speak in your own time.”

Varian nodded, he leaned into my embrace and looked out to the sea. I played with his hair for sometime as I gazed at the sunset. I smile a genuine smile, I wish things could stay like this. Peaceful, no troubles, a time I wish that I had before. A time I wish I could always have, a feeling like motherhood.

The Sun had vanished and the darkness took over as the moon shone down. It led our path as we entered the castle again. I lead Varian back through the maze of hallways back to his room. I avoid most of the staff. Varian and I arrived back at his room, yet he didn’t seem to be willing to enter.

He hesitated at the door before entering. I put the moment on one of my lists to find out later. 

Before I left he asked, signing, ‘ _ Will you come tomorrow?’ _

I nodded, “Yes, of course. Why?”

He looked away briefly, a frown forming on his features. ‘ _ Did you come earlier today?’ _

_ He doesn’t remember _ . _ He didn’t react, but... _ ”Varian what do you remember?”

He flinched and stared at the floor. His hands quickly signed ’ _ I don’t remember anything much before you came-I remember being alone but nothing about anyone entering my room. Sometimes my mind can lose track of time-now anyways.’ _

I bit my lip.  _ This wasn’t normal at all, people don’t just forget… It's like… I need to talk to him. _

“Well…” I said after a second or two. “I think after today I might need to contact a doctor. I’m worried that-”

Varian jumped up. ‘ _ No-No-No’  _ he signed frantically. ‘ _ I’m fine-I will be fine-’ _

His breathing eslated higher, I needed to calm him down. “It’s okay! Varian calm down, I won’t call one.”

Varian looked relieved but still tense, nodding a thanks. 

“But,” I started softly. “If things get out of hand, I will call one. I don’t want you getting hurt or worse okay? I’m here to help you.”

Varian glanced up, forming three simple signs. ‘ _ I trust you.’ _

That seemed only to add weight to phase. I bidded a farewell as I parted ways. I need to speak to Edward.

***

I left John and hoped to get some much needed rest. I walked down the hallway and turned the corner to see the Queen. She glanced at me and gestured to follow her.

It took me a moment before my mind caught up and walked after her. When she stopped we were at the old hallway we met at. She turned to face me.

“I’m worried for Varian.” She started.

I felt weary of that statement. There were many things to worry about, what caused _ more _ ?

“What happened?” I asked cautiously.

“First,” She began. “This was the worst shut down. I asked Varian if he remembered anything, he said that he doesn't or very little. However, he only remembers the moments being alone.”

“So, you saying that you think every time someone came into his room, he had a panic attack?”

She flinched at the word. “So you think it’s panic attacks?”

I gave a short nod. “That's what they are. It would be better if he could speak when he had them, telling how to help, but he doesn’t seem to even register our words.”

The Queen stood still for a moment, hesitating to ask the question. Finding courage she whispered, “Do you think it's from his nightmares?”

I resisted a flinch, memories flooded my mind. Short panic attacks after some of the worst nightmares. 

“I don’t know. John says they are.” I answered briefly.

The Queen sighed in frustration. “We’re right back to the beginning again. Will you keep a watch on Varian on this? I don’t want this to get worse.”

I nodded. “Of course.”

The Queen smiled at this. “Thank you.”

“If,” I started. “It’s okay for me to ask…”

She nodded,”Ask friends, you know you can.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Where did you take Varian? It seemed to bring him back.”

“I brought him to the cliffs.”

“Wha-!” I started. Was that safe? He could’ve tried to-

The Queen held up her hand. “I trust him. He didn’t even look tempted. I spoke to him, and...he spoke to me.”

My eyes widened in surprise. I found my voice after a second. “He spoke?”

She nodded with a smile. “Just a sentence. He thanked me for everything, again. I think he also accepts me.”

“You mean as-?”

“He knows. I told him, everything. He-He accepts the fact and I think he’s trying to get better.”

The voice was so hopeful, and I didn’t blame her. This was, it was progress.

I shared in her smile, “Progress.”

She nodded. “So much progress, I… I think he might have tried to speak again too!”

“Just, please, don’t try to push him.” I warned.

“Yes, I… I know.” Her shoulders slumped slightly. “We can’t shove him, but he needs some help to take some steps.”

“Arianna,” I only used her real name in private, and only to grab her attention. She made eye contact with me now. “You have helped him. You have helped those first steps. Now it's up to him, his decision. If he doesn’t want to take those steps, then you have to live with that.”

“I-I know that, it’s just-” A sigh escaped her lips. “What if he stays silent, or doesn’t want to leave his room? What if goes back to the way he was? Or-”

I grabbed her shoulders. This wasn’t like Arianna. The real Arianna was confident, she was a Queen. “He has you, Arianna. He’s gone this far because you helped him and he  _ needs _ you. That won’t change, you just have to be there for him. Okay?”

She nodded, eyes going wet. “I apologize it's just I’ve never done  _ this _ before. I don’t want to fail him.”

I doubted that fact. “I think he is more afraid of failing you. But let’s put that behind us, Arianna. Focus on the progress.”

  
  


“Thank you, Edward.” I step back, finching at the name.

I didn’t like to begin calling that. I was called that long ago, I wasn’t the same. I didn’t like to be reminded that I was  _ still _ the same.

“I’m sorry, I for-”

I stop her. “No need your majesty. I have to get some rest. Goodnight.”

She looked like she wanted to say more, but stopped herself. “Goodnight.”

\---

It had been almost a week since Varian’s shut down. He was better, never saying anything about the event. Varian hadn’t spoken but seemed more...open. The Queen had given him a sign language book, he was learning at a rapid rate. Though, he was genus and I wouldn’t put it past him. He spoke in simpler terms around me, but the Queen was learning right next to him and now I couldn’t understand much of their conversations.

The Queen also gave me a book, but I didn’t really have much time to read it. I still was in the room whenever the Queen came. The Queen came every morning and stayed for a while. She hoped that in a week or so she would be able to take Varian to the library or kitchen.

The Queen sat down on the couch and looked to Varian. Varian was still stacking some books away to make his desk seem cleaner. 

“So Varian, what would like to talk about today? What did you work on yesterday?”

Varian finished stacking and turned to her. He played with the edge of his badge again. Just a couple of days until he probably wouldn’t need them anymore.

‘ _ I-’ _ Varian stopped. A frown implanted on his features. He bit his lip as he signed to the Queen and me. ‘ _ I want to practice speaking’ _

You could hear a feather drop in the silences. The Queen smiled wide and nodded. “Of course, Varian.”

He smiled slightly. I still wasn’t used to the sight, he still rarely smiled, but once in a blue moon I’d see one.

“Do you know what to practice?”

He shook his head. ‘ _ I haven’t tried yet-’ _

“Okay, so let’s try something simple then. Just say your name.”

He hesitated, breathing deeply, like he mentally preparing himself. Then he spoke. “V-r-N.”

The voice surprised me, the Queen looked shocked as-well. It wasn’t as smooth as the Queen had described. Maybe it was harder to remember the details in the moment of shock. Varian seemed to only pronounce the hard syllables of his name. His face flushed a light pink after he spoke.

“Well,” The Queen started. “You haven’t used your voice for a while, it might take more time to re-remember how to use it. Will have to work on your vowels and some on your consent, but I'm sure it won’t take long!” She finished with an encouraging smile.

Varian nodded and sat on the couch, folding his legs under him and off of the floor. His face was still pink.

“Now let's just begin with ‘a’, okay?”

Varian opened his mouth as he tried to copy the noise.

To pronounce “a”, it took about ten minutes for any sound, and the next thirty to mimic the noise correctly. He couldn’t say his name right, even after that, it seemed to frustrate him to no end. After an hour, both Queen and Varian had called it good enough and parted ways.

\---

Before I left I could hear him practicing behind the door. His voice was quiet, but in the silences between both me and John it could be heard. It made me smile, to see him trying his best. It was a small comfort to me.

\---

“‘O’.” The Queen repeated. It had been a week or so, every other day the Queen and Varian would practice. It would’ve been everyday, however Varian lost his voice much quicker than most, it could be from him also practicing at night.

“Ai” Varian said. He sighed trying again.

After a few tries he got to “Ail”. The Queen tried to calm him, encouraging him to take his time.

“El” Varian said finally, it seemed almost close, yet still not the letter.

Varian’s shoulders dropped. He signed quickly to the Queen, I barely caught it. ‘ _ Why can’t I speak!’ _

“Well, Varian it’s been six months sin-”

Varian caught her off. ‘ _ I know- I know- I am just tired of this- It seemed so simple before- My mind has not grown used to it yet’ _

“It will take time, you’ll have to be patient.” The Queen rested a hand on his. He looked at the Queen with a mix of emotions. I wish I could tell what he was thinking.

He sighed, nodding.

“Let’s call it day okay? You almost have it, just a little longer and you’ll be fluent again... I have a question for you, Varian. You can answer or not.”

‘ _ What is it?” _ He asked, cautious.

“Would you be willing to go to the kitchen with me tomorrow? I found a recipe I’d like to try out.”

‘ _ Don’t you have private chefs to do that?’  _ Varian asked.

“Well… yes, but I’d thought it would be nice if we did something together. I know you like cooking.”

Varian seemed to brighten. ‘ _ Would it be ok?’ _

The Queen smiled, “Of course it would be.”

‘ _ What are we cooking then?’ _ He asked.

The Queen put a finger to her lips. “That will be a surprise to you.”

Varian seemed in deep thought after this and started spelling out some ideas. The Queen laughed at some of his attempts and shook her head.

It was a nice moment.

***

Just like the Queen had said, she had come. John left, calming my nerves, but the other guard came. I didn’t really know what to call him, he never said his name and no one else said it either. As we walked I admired the architecture of the place, it was remarkable.

I had been to the palace several times, but it still astounded me. We didn’t pass any servants as we walked, which I was thankful for. I didn’t want to run into anyone else. We took twists and turns until we reached the kitchen. It was all empty, I briefly wondered what the staff thought the Queen was doing or where the staff was.

G.G., short for my term good guard, stood by the door and watched us. I didn’t mind him, I actually felt some comfort with his gaze. He was safe now, just like the Queen. The Queen brought a book and opened it.

“The ingredients are in this cabinet, Varian could you gather the ingredients as I say them?”

I nodded and followed her instructions. I didn’t mind baking, in fact I enjoyed it a lot. Dad was never the best, and once I took a liking to it, I didn most of the cooking. It mostly reminded me of Alchemy, the mixtures and different combinations.

I placed the ingredients on the table as the Queen got some bowls. I glance at the book to see a recipe for a cake. I frowned slightly,  _ why did she need a cake? _ I shook off the thought and focused on the task. It took about ten minutes to get all the ingredients ready, I was tasked to mix the dry ingredients together. After everything blended I went to bring to the Queen when I tripped. I didn’t know what, but I crashed to the ground. 

I went down with a yelp and the bowl slipped out of my fingers and crashed next to me. I smacked my jaw on the floor and sat up after my crash. My head spinned, and I was tempted to lay down. The Queen was in front of me, asking if I was okay. G.G. was also at my side. I didn’t respond as I felt a pain in my hand. I glance down to see blood.

My mind screaming on the inside, and the last thing I remembered was the dark spots closing in on my vision.

***

Varian took a glance at his hands and his eyes rolled back as he fell into the Queens arm.

“Varian!” The Queen cried.

I quickly got next to her and leaned Varian’s face towards me. He was going pale. I surveyed the area, seeing nothing useful, Varian still didn’t stur, I brought my hand up and slapped him.

The Queen yelled, but then Varian’s eyes started to open. He glanced around but didn't seem to register anything. He blinked before any emotion showed.

He tried to sit up, but I gently pushed him down.

“Just let the blood flow even out, okay?” I said.

He didn’t fight and stayed down. In that time I feched a towl, and ripped it. Once I came near Varian I told him, “Don’t look down.”

He nodded, obviously knowing what had happened. He looked away as he bit his lip. I wrapped his hand up, he winced every little tug or so, but it seemed to be enough. The cut wasn’t too bad, and should heal in two weeks or so. After I was done, I dropped his hand and stood up. The Queen helped Varian up.

“Are you okay?” The Queen asked, more concerned now at his banged hand. “Are you hurt anywhere else.”

Varian shook his head and looked down at the mess. He looked away, guilty.

_ ‘Sorry-Sorry-Sorry-Sorry-’ _ Varian continually repeated himself, and seemed on the verge of a break down.

The Queen rubbed his back, “Varian, just calm down. It’s alright!”

He stopped signing and got his breathing to even out again. He signed again, not using his hurt hand. ‘ _ I am sorry-I made such a mess’ _

The Queen gave a comforting smile. “It’s alright, let’s just clean up. Then we can finish, your guard can help us with the rest.”

I stiffened. I looked to the Queen. She mouthed, “It’s okay.”

The next hour went by as I helped the two of them. Varian calmed down and the matter was forgotten. Varian was very spiffic when measuring ingredients, I guess he applied his alchemy skills to baking as well. Soon the cake was done and they iced it. I smiled from the side lines, only once or twice did they need my help. Varian seemed full of energy, bouncing from one end to the other at the table. Soon it was complete.

Varian smiled after it was complete, the Queen smiled as well. 

“Well, Varian, shall we enjoy it?” The Queen asked.

Varian frowned, ‘ _ Now?’ _

“Why not?” The Queen answered, grabbing some plates.

Varian signed again. ‘ _ Why a cake?’ _

The Queen’s smile grew as she turned to Varian, holding a candle and three places. The Queen, studying Varian’s reaction as I was, said. “I...I thought that since you didn’t really have a birthday celebration, that we could do it now. I’m sure when your birthday is, but I’m guessing that’s passed.”

Varian didn’t make any movement, still. Then slowly his eyes welled up. Once a tear fell he quickly wiped it off. Seeing this the Queen rushed toward him and held him. He hugged back. 

“Thi-kng!” He said, but I assumed he meant ‘thank’.

The Queen smiled, patting his head. “Your welcome.”

The Queen released Varian, she led him towards the table and placed the candle on the cake. She took a flame and lit the candle. 

Varian looked at the candle for a solid minute. He blew it out, the smoke rose but went unnoticed. The Queen cut the small cake, and asked Varian what aged he was now.

‘ _ 15 _ ’ He responded.  _ ‘That would’ve been last month’ _

The Queen nodded. “Well now you're officially 15.”

Varian frowned. ‘ _ That’s not how-’ _

The Queen smiled, teasingly. “Of course that’s how it works.”

They continued to define the time of age, which Varian followed the scientific way. Yet I could see that the Queen was pleased, even with the short episode everything worked out. If only everything could work out this way.

***

The Queen left and I traded my clothes for my night wear. Instead of climbing into the bed I crawled behind the couch. I felt much safer.  _ He _ couldn’t get me.

I stayed there, smiling at today’s events. If only everything could stay that way. I thought about my wish.  _ I just want my life back, I just want to sit in my room as I could hear Dad down stairs. I just wanted to feel peace, not always fearing for the worst. _ I knew I couldn’t go back. I never can. I smiled bitterly, time was so cruel.

My smile turned to genuine as I thought of my wish I settled with. ‘ _ I just want to find peace and a new life next to the Queen. I can settle with that.’ _

I curled my arms around myself. Things will get better, just last till morning. Maybe I could try practicing again? I won't get to sleep for a while now…

***

They were back at it again. After almost a month, Varian could pronounce his name and a few items correctly. His voice was still rough, but he seemed to be ajesting. The only problem seemed that he still preferred to sign, voicing his thoughts only when the Queen was around or at practice. I’m afraid that if he does start speaking again, that if he starts to get uncomfortable he will start to sign again. However, during the time the Queen and Varian practiced words, I would look through the sign language book, gaining more information and understanding Varian better.

The Queen and Varian went every week or so to the kitchen to cook something up and would take two trips to the library for new books for Varian. I’m pretty sure he’s read the entire library. In the last four weeks, progress has felt like leaps and sprints. The Queen and I had only had two meetings in the month, and that was more just catching up and for the Queen to tell me her next plan.

This was the only plan that I firmly told her ‘no’ on. However, she insisted that it needs to be done, and would help ease the tension that had been created. 

“Science.” The Queen said for the fortieth time.

“SciNth.” Varian repeated.

“Sci-ence.” The Queen replied.

“Scii-nce.”

Varian looked surprised at his own voice. “Sciii-ence. Sci-ence. Science!”

A smile broke out of Varian’s face. This was at least one of the fifteenth words he had mastered today.

“Good, Varian!” The Queen complemented her. “Now try saying the sentence.”

Varian nodded, making his black locks bounce. “I-I’m named Var-ian. I-I like s-sci-ence.”

The words were shaky, but were better and finally understandable. He’s voice was rough, and the Queen would ask. She fidgeted with her sleeve the interior time of her visit.

“...Varian.”

Her tone caught Varian’s attention and his smile fell. He read her body language and tensed.

“I hope you’d agree, but…” She took a deep breath before continuing. I tightened my grip on the table.  _ This is a mistake, don’t do it.  _ “I wanted you to join me and King for lunch tomorrow.”

The reaction was instant. The color drained from Varian’s face, he dropped his gaze, but a glimpse of his eyes told me he was remembering the memories. His breathing was everywhere, but he seemed aware of it and tried getting it under control. 

“Varian-” I stopped her, shaking my head.

It was painstakingly long until he answered. He bit his lip as he signed. ‘ _ Does he know?’ _

“Yes,” the Queen answered calmly. “He has promised that he won’t bring anything up. Just lunch.”

Varian flinched at a word, I couldn’t tell which. ‘ _ I can’t- not yet’ _

That’s… not what I expected. The Queen frowned, “What do you mean?”

Varian hesitated.` _ I am not ready yet- Need some time to process what to say’ _

The Queen glanced at me, I could tell the look she gave me was hopeful. “So if I give you some time you’d agree?”

Varian gave a tiny nod.

“How long?”

Varian looked at his hands a moment before signing, ‘ _ two weeks’ _

The Queen contemplated, “I can make that work. I won’t push, yet are sure this is alright?”

Varian bit his lip before looking up at the Queen. ‘ _ Yes’ _

***

I closed the door to Varian’s room, nodding goodbye to John and Edward. I walked down the hallway as my thoughts crowded my mind. If everything went to plan then I could settle a peace between Frederic and Varian. Once that tension could fade and maybe I could also convince the people as well.

Out of pure habit, my feet guided me to my room. It was dark outside, I had had a later visit to Varian today. I opened the door to find Frederic sitting down at his desk.

I smiled as I walked over and leaned over his shoulder to see his work.

“I didn’t think you’d want to work in your bedroom. Can’t this wait?” I asked.

Frederic turned to me, and mirrored my smile. “Well I have to agree on that fact. Rapunzel sent another letter.”

I gasped, putting my full attention on the letter. Frederic moved as I took his seat.

‘ _ Dear Mom and Dad,’ _ She began. ‘ _ A lot of things have happened. We reached our destination, but are now heading back. It’s complicated, yet I will explain once I return. Eugene says that we should arrive in two or three months, once you get this letter. I have to say, I’m excited to come back. After traveling for so long, it’ll be nice to see home again.’ _ The letter continued further about things she’d seen and pictures she sent in the letter. ‘ _ -I hope both of you are doing well. I hope to see you soon! With love, Rapunzel’ _

I glanced up to Frederic, a whisper slipped out of my lips. “She’s coming…”

He smiled, “Yes, she is.”

\---

I sat down at the table. Frederic was already there when Varian and myself arrived. Varian, after two weeks, agreed to join me and Frederic for lunch. Varian still didn’t look up yet.

“So,” Frederic started with a short cough. “The weather today has been nice today.”

I nod, looking about. We were outside, I felt Varian would feel more comfortable outside. 

Varian nodded, still not making eye contact.

“So, what have you been doing lately, Frederic?” I asked, pulling the attention away from Varian.

“Well,” Frederic took a moment to think. “In the morning I have been trying to stabilize trading with other nations nearby. The treaty with the ambassadors three months ago has helped us greatly. Yet it seems a war might break out between Drinnwall and Kins.”

I frowed my brow, “What brought this up? Any news? Last I heard, they seemed to be on good terms. Kins was dealing with the feastial of light.”

“I have yet to know.” The King answered. “But-”

“Wha-t ab-out their h-h-his-tory?” A voice said. I recognized the tone. Varian had gotten better at speaking, yet a stutter seemed to have grown in his speech pattern.

Frederic, wide eyed, stared at Varian. I must have forgotten to tell him about Varian and his ambition to get his voice back.

“W-what about it?” Fredric asked. I was interested as well.

Varian seemed to shiver under his gaze. “I-I read ab-out the h-h-his-tory of the  _ ea-ea _ ...l-ight f-f-f-f-” Varian stopped, starting over. “The ev-vent be-gain af-ter Dri-nn-wall a-b-b-bass-itor-s we-re k-kill-ed at the f-f-f-f, ev-vent in Kr-kin-s. The dea-ths of the a-bass-tor-s were-were bl-blam-ed on Kr-kins.”

It took him a couple of moments to get the words flowing right. He still had problems pronouncing ‘L’s and ‘F’s. It made me smile that he was making the effort.

“So,” I said, concluding the information in my head. “The Drinnwall nation blamed the deaths on Kins as a assination attempt and provoked the war?”

Varianed nodded. “T-tip of-of ice-berg-g. W-War was com-ing any-ways.”

“If I remember correctly, the Drinnwall and Kins before had a stiff relationship to. Trade, alliances, aggression, had combined to a full out war. Yet it’s been at least half a century…” Fredric conculed.

Frederic side glanced at Varian. “Yet, if a remembrance was made, such as the Light Festival, could provoke them again. The ambassadors had a large family line if I remember, they must still have some relatives…”

“Maybe, at the next meeting with Drinnwall, we can discuss the topic.” I said.

Frederic nodded. “Very well, and-uh, thanks Varian. This information shall be very useful.”

Varian smiled slightly, cheeks gaining some color at the complement.

The rest of the lunch went well, Varian made some few comments yet listened a lot. Frederic seemed to grow used to his company and asked Varian some questions. After lunch Varian went with Edward to go back to his room.

Frederic leaned over to me and said, “I see why you like him.”

This surprised me and I raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

He smiled. “His smart-” in a more serious tone he added-”and if used wrong we know how it goes, yet I can see how you see him. He’s a child, and I apologize for not seeing it earlier.”

I smiled teasingly, “So you're saying I was right?”

He sighed. “Yes, yet I don’t know what he will do next.”

“What do you mean?”

He looked at me for a moment. “He’s a child, yet a genius. The destruction he caused has caused attention, he is powerful with his mind. Yet I feel as long as he is under control, your super vision, all will be well.”

“You mean you think if he could still caused- everything he’s done-he’s changed, Frederic!”

“Arianna, I’m just stating a fact, he can’t leave. He will always have to be watched.”

“You won’t trust him…” I admitted.

“...yes. Yet I see the good this is doing for both of you, I won’t stop, yet he must stay here.”

I felt hope that I had built up to be dashed. If Edward was here, he would’ve said ‘see? Told you so’.

“I-I understand.”

“Arianna I-”He paused, breaking our eye contact- “You have to understand I’m doing this for the safety of our people-for you!”

_ For the People, always the people. Not the life of a child, just what the people wanted. _ I bit back the retort and admitted defeat. Today went well, I already should’ve known what Frederic would’ve said. Today I created a bond between Varian and the King, that was good enough for now.

***

_ I was outside the tent. I had been standing outside for hours, yet how could I step inside? It was night and I could see the light coming from inside. My body couldn’t move, he needed me, but can I? I couldn’t find anything today, but he wouldn’t accept anything this time either.  _

_ “EDWARD!” _

_ I found myself turning to the voice. I saw a younger girl running up to me. A bright smile was on Arianna’s lips. Once she got closer, she didn’t stop running. _

_ I yelled out to her, yet she didn’t hear me. She ran into me, pushing me into the tent's embrace. Why? I thought.  _

_ Arianna’s smile turned into a smirk as she whispered, “Don’t you want to see your brother?” _

_ “WAIT! NO!” I screamed out. I fell into a dark abyss.  _

_ I floated in the darkness, turning in circles when I felt a breath near my ear. I turned painstakingly slow to see the Blond’s face. His eyes blackened on his decaying face, his smile too wide to be anything natural. _

_ “Didn’t you miss me brother? We have so much to catch up on!” _

_ I was frozen on the spot, too scared to move an inch. He grinned more, blackened teeth formed as he shouted back. _

_ “ _ ** _Let’s talk, brother killer._ ** _ ” _

_ He pulled a knife out and stabbed me. As I hunched over, I could feel his stare. _

_ “I’ll let you feel the same feelings that you put  _ ** _me_ ** _ through, shall we?” _

He pulled the knife out as I awoke. I panted as my hands felt my intated stomach. I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked outside to see the sun already arise. I was late. I jumped out of bed as I rushed to get ready. I was at  _ least _ thirty minutes late. During my rush, I tried to forget my dream, yet it seemed to constantly be in my mind.

I arrived at Varian’s door and opened it to see darkness. I set down the plate as I leaned down to see if Varian was under the couch again. Yet he wasn’t there. I glanced around until my eyes fell on the closet.

I walked over and opened it. Varian fell out, probably leaning on the door. His eyes were wet as he stared up at me fearfully.  _ Why today of all things? _

“What are you doing, Varian?” I asked.

Varian was half dressed, his shirt buttons were off and his cloths wrinkly. Varian seemed more aware, not too bad. 

He looked to the side and muttered “Ni-ght-mare.”

“Heh.” I blow out some air. “I can relate.”

I could feel Varian’s eye on me, curious. He didn’t ask and curled next to the wall. I didn’t say anything, and instead I sat next to him. I leaned against the wall, and let the silence fill the room.

I knew that just some company after a nightmare is nice, to remember that I wasn’t alone. It was also nice to sort through some thoughts or to think of something else.

We stayed there for a few minutes, just the two of us. After a bit Varian stood, feeling better, and the day continued. Varian was quiet all day, and even the Queens visit didn’t seem to cheer him up. 

Then before I left, I heard him whisper to me, “Th-ank yo-uu.”

That made me smile, maybe it did help him too.

  
  


***

I went to see the King about every other week. Lunch was the most common meeting. I actually enjoyed these meetings, it was enjoyable for me. I had been another two months yet now I could speak fluently again. I still felt safer staying silent, yet I knew to grow I had to speak. It was more irritating that my mind, over the course of nearly six months, forgot how to speak correctly. It was nice to not have to speak by hand, yet sometimes I wonder if speaking is really any better.

\---

The Queen brought me out to the gardens again. Some plants are dead in the summer heat, yet the warmth is a nice reminder everyday that I’m not in my cell anymore. Me and the Queen spent about an hour strolling in the area. It was calm, unlike many of my thoughts now. I brought the Queen another yellow rose. I still remembered her voice in my head when she told me it’s meaning.

_ “Did you know that different colored roses hold meanings, Varian?”  _

_ I shook my head, and signed. ‘All I know is that red means love-’ _

_ The Queen nodded with a smile. “Correct. White means innocence and blue means to uptan the impossible.” _

_ I looked at the roses, there were many colors. It was like a vibrant picture, beautiful. I pointed at one rose. ‘What does that one mean?’ _

_ The Queen looked as well, “Oh, the yellow?” _

_ I gave her a nod, stroking one of the soft petals. How long had it been since I felt a flower? Or something even this soft? _

_ “Well it means friendship or joy. I think I remember giving one to a friend long ago…” _

_ I zoned out. The first lesson of alchemy I learned was how to change the color of a flower. I remember my father's laughter when I gave him a purple daisy. That was a time when he was proud of me… Maybe I could give her one.  _

_ “...It wasn’t the best experience, yet a lesson learned.” _

_ I nodded, and followed the Queen as she led me to another part of the garden. I eyed the yellow rose, vowing to come back. _

I walked back to my room as the Queen had to leave quickly for a meeting. There were silences between me and G.G., yet nothing I minded. We arrived at the room, it was nice to see  _ John _ gone, a comfort almost. Before I went to G.G. stopped me.

I looked up questioningly at him. He had grabbed my arm, nothing painful, yet. I felt my breathing quicken, and my mind started to go into a panic. The guard dropped my arm gently, and spoke in his softer tone.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to ask you a question that’s been bothering me of late.”

I glanced down the hallway, no one, as usual. It doesn’t matter if I wanted to answer the question, did it? He could force it out like- I went tense, and whispered out an “okay.”

The Guard noticed the change and quickly, and answered. “You don’t  _ have _ to answer.”

I still felt tense, yet the words confronted me slightly. “How about…”I trailed off, yet the guard listened and waited. His paticed told me that I could continue. “...I ask you one in return.”

He seemed surprised at the answer but expected it. “Deal. So what made you go mute?”

My mind stopped. Out of many of my hophosies of what he might say, that one was not high. I thought back, the memories came back and sent a chill down my spine. 

“I-I...well.” After a few weeks of finally speaking, I now seem at a loss of words. Where did I start? When did it begin? 

“Before the… trail… I didn’t really speak in spit. But then the trail came.” Images flashed through my head. The People shouted for justice, some suggested death. It scared me. Any words I said to defend myself were twisted and used against me. Anything I said only made the people louder. I was so overwhelmed at the time with so many thoughts, and the only person who used to calm me down was  _ dead _ . “...I realized after the trial no one would listen to what I said. Or cared enough too.”

The pleas that I begged the guard to stop. The words I told the princess. All forgotten. I continued, bringing my arms around me. “Soon, I just forgot how too. Not that it matters much…”

The guard was silent, it put me on edge.  _ What did he think? What reaction would this bring? _

Instead of committing he instead said, “What was your question to me?”

This was easy for me. “What’s your name?”

He paused, almost freezed. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, usually I could read people pretty easily. It wasn’t difficult, just seeing the way they talked or their posture. Yet  _ him _ , I couldn’t even guess. His face is almost always emotionless. I remember how when he used to force feed me, that terrified me. 

“Edward.” He answered bluntly. 

He didn’t seem to say it like a normal person would. Tense, it looked. Why?

I nodded, expecting his answer, and walked into the room. There wasn’t anything else I wanted to say.

***

Today, for breakfast I snatched an apple. I was going to eat it, yet I remembered how long it must have been since Varian probably had one. I brought it into his room, he paused looking at the red fruit.

During the Queen’s visit, it still seemed uneatened. The Queen even asked about it.

“Oh, I’m saving it.” Was all he would reply. I still kept an eye on  _ what _ he was saving it for.

\---

The next day, it was gone. There wasn’t a trace left, not even an apple core. This confused me, did he throw it out the window?

The Queen asked him in the Kitchen, they were making some pasteri.

“Ruddiger likes apples.” He replied.

The Queen gave me a look, and all I could do was shrug.

“Who’s Ruddiger?”

At this he hesitated. “Uh… well he’s the raccoon I tamed…”

_ The raccoon! _ Why do I always forget the Raccoon?

The Queen still seemed puzzled. 

“It’s okay!” Varian said quickly. “He doesn’t stay! He only comes during the night and then leaves!”

There was an awkward silence, Varain played with sleeves.

“Varain,” The Queen started, Varain avoided her gaze. “Why didn’t you mention this earlier?”

“Well-I-uh… um-it...uhhh....” He rubbed the back of his neck, and stuttered until the answer came. “I was afraid you’d lock the window or send him far away…”

The Queen frowned. “Why would you think I would do that? As long as he behaves I would welcome him.”

Varian seemed very concentrated on the floor boards. He whispered a name, more of a hiss, I almost missed it.

“John.” He admitted.

_ “The raccoon bit me...” That’s what John said. It came every night after I left, how did it find Varian in this room? Obviously Varian didn’t want John to hurt the raccoon so what happened that night? _

“...well if you want to have him visit in the daytime he can. I will order your guards not to interfere with Ruddiger unless with reason. Would that be okay?”

Varian brightened, and nodded enthusiastically. “I promise he won’t cause trouble, he’s a really big help!”

The Queen smiled. “I believe you Varian.”

This reassured him.

\---

The next day the raccoon was present. As was he ever since. Varian seemed less tense as well, almost confronted by the animal's presence near him. The raccoon was well taught, and obeyed commands like it could understand human speech. Whenever Varain would be working on a project, Ruddiger would sit on his shoulders. The raccoon, whenever Varian would get frustrated, would pat or stroke his cheek. It was interesting. 

John still hated the creature, as did the creature hate John back. It was interesting how much tension there could be between an animal and a human.

\---

Today was a great day. Marking eight months since the battle. Fall was coming, a cold breeze came every day. Varian had to get a new wardrobe, as he finally outgrew his old clothes. He seemed more comfortable with larger bagger clothes, any normal clothes would still be baggy on him, yet the Queen took half a day off to fit him. He still hasn't made an appearance to the public or much of the servants. Yet the Queen didn’t mind. The last few months had been hers and Varian’s happiness.

The Queen gave him many colored shirts that all fit, yet Varian wore more often than not, a white shirt with a red vest. Brown stripes were tightened around his upper arm, but he didn’ mind. Varian also got a haircut. His hair had gotten to the length on his shoulders, and he almost appeared to be a girl from a distance. He seemed more comfortable with the shorter length.

It was good progress.

***

_ It was dark. Where was I? I froze when I realized that I was in my lab.  _

_ “Ruddiger?” I asked. _

_ I didn’t receive an answer, yet I didn’t feel worried. I heard a noise downstairs, and I felt my feet move on their own. _

_ I got to the end of the stairs, but instead of meeting the entryway, it was a hallway. _

_ “Hello?” I asked. _

_ A form made its way towards me. A spike of fear raced through me as I recognized it for one of the men that searched through my house. He had a strong build and wore a metal mask to cover his face. He raced after me. _

_ I tried to run away, but my legs turned to lead. He was coming, too quickly to be human. I screamed as I tripped and knew that the being was standing over me. I looked up to see dad instead. _

_ “Varian? Why are you on the floor?” _

_ “D-dad?” I asked, my voice cracking. _

_ He smiled, a feature rare to me. He picked me up and hugged me. “Of course Varian. Who else would it be?” _

_ I smiled. I was safe, I was always safe in his embrace. Then something grabbed my hand and Dad broke out of the hug. _

_ “W-ha-?” I looked at my hand to see it encased in amber. _

_ The panic came back, yet unlike last time it thundered into me like a horse. I looked to my father to see him walking away. _

_ “D-dad-! Help!” I called out. The amber came up to my knees, making me completely trapped. _

_ He didn’t even turn as he muttered out, “This was supposed to happen Varian, you just had to tempt fate didn’t you?” _

_ No, please no. “D-DAD! PLEASE!” _

_ He shook his head as he left, fading away. He left me, as he should’ve. _

_ I tried to push against the amber, yet it was useless. My hand got caught, and I could only wait, panicked, as it slowly went over my head. I couldn’t move or breathe. I was suffocating.  _

_ This was how he felt. Trapped. I couldn’t move, and I was dying! _

I gasped as I sat up. I breathed heavily as I had to remember what oxegen was. My head was still in a panic. I couldn’t get enough air. My thoughts didn’t help. 

_ Your Fault. Your Fault. All your FAULT. _

***

I walked in the room to see darkness. Dread filled me.  _ No, no, no...It was going so well! _

I didn’t have to look for Varian, I could hear his breathing under the couch. I looked under and called out to him softly. He seemed aware enough to hear me. He cringed back as he muttered over and over again.

“My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault.-!”

“Varian, just breathe.” He shook his head and kept repeating the sentence.

I wanted to bite my lip, but left the room. I need the Queen.

\---

The Queen was finishing her breakfast, still talking to the King, when she noticed me.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Varian seems to have… a breakdown of sorts.” I replied emotionless.

Her eyes wided, and she quickly got up. Muttering a short apology she went into the halls as I tried to catch up to her.

“When did you find out?” She asked bluntly.

“I just found out, and went straight to you.” 

Her frown deepened. “You haven’t come to me first when this happens, how much worse is it?”

_ I went on a limb. _ I thought. “It’s the first time he’s talked, I didn’t know what to do.”

The Queen nodded and quickened her speed walk.

Once we entered the room the Queen stopped in front of the couch. I could hear Varian crying now. We both bent down to see him wedged behind, arms wrapped around himself as he wept. His raccoon was curled up near his feet.

“Varian.” The Queen called out.

Varian curled up more, muttering the phrase over again. “My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault.”

“Varian, what's your fault?”

This only made it worse, he cried harder and couldn’t even pronounce the words again.

This went on for half an hour until Varian could cry anymore. Whenever we would speak to him, he would repeat the sentence over again. It continued for two more hours. The Queen wouldn’t leave his side, he needed her.

Varian needs to get out of the corner. I observed that with his arms wrapped around himself I could grab them.

I warned the Queen before I reached under the couch. I grabbed his arm and pulled him out. He started crying again and tried to pull back, yet I didn’t let him. He stopped trying to resist, tired out. The Queen wrapped him in an embrace as he pressed his face into her shoulder blade. 

“It’s not your fault, Varian.” She said, meaning it as a confort.

Varian shook his head as he whispered out, “It is, it’s all my fault.”

The Queen hushed him and rubbed his back. He calmed down after a bit, taking deep breaths. The Queen led him to sit on the couch.

“Are you okay now?” She asked for both of us.

Varian nodded. “Yeah… Just tired now.”

“Varian,” The Queen started. “How did your father get incased?”

The question seemed random. I gave a questioningly look to the Queen.

Varian freezed up, taking a deep breath before saying anything. “I-I was experimenting on the rocks, trying to find a way to get rid of them like Rap-the princess asked. D-D-Dad told me not to mess with them, but I was too...curious.

“I was… testing something when he came up. It reacted q-quickly.” The Queen flinched. If I remembered correctly, he almost encased her too. “I was standing close to it, it would’ve-could've been me! He pushed me away and caught instead… now he’s-he’s-he’s-!”

Varian broke off and the Queen gave him some comfort.

“I wonder sometimes how he died…” He muttered softly. “I know he died of suffocation, but my mind still wanders… I can’t even get the letter he wrote.” He’s eyes get glossy again.

“It’s okay, Varian, it’ll be okay.” The Queen said.

Varian nodded numbly.

***

“Okay, now open them.” I heard the Queen say.

I opened my eyes to see a room, mostly empty, but the same size as my room. A table sat in the center with alchemy supplies. I felt my eyes widened as I turned to see the Queen give me a wide smile. 

As I observed the containers, the queen continued on. “You can use this room as often as you want. Create whatever you please as well, as long as it isn’t dangerous. Your guard will acomiblin you, for safety measures.”

I nodded along while my mind exploded, thinking of so  _ many  _ projects that I’ve longed to work on. A grin grew from my lips as I gave a hug to the Queen. I barely noticed the guard near the door.  _ Edward _ . I remembered.

I grew used to his presence, feeling safer with another person around. His presence reminded me of da-The Queen pulled something from behind her. It was gloves and goggles.

I frowned, glanced at her for an explanation. “You never got your pair back, I assume you still wanted them if you were going to work again. Safety is important. These are a new pair for you. The gloves are smaller in size, your hands have shrunk in size, so they are only temporary.”

I gently took them. I pulled the gloves on. They were soft leather, hopefully still tough. They slipped on easily, not as snug as my old ones. The texture was new, or old? Memories filled my head, good ones. I missed the feeling of the leather. My hands no longer felt bare. I strapped the goggles on too. A comforting weight on my head. I turned to the Queen.

Panic flashed through the Queen’s eyes, but she smiled still.

“It’s a nice look for you.” She complimented me, making me grin.

***

Varain hadn’t left the room unless forced too. He stored his two filled up journals in the room, and finished five projects that he had planned out in them within a week. If I didn’t drag the boy to his room to eat or sleep, I doubt he would. Though, his determination and overall joy to work again put even a smile on my face. It was nice.

***

I visited Varian in his lab again. He had almost finished his latest project, and promised to get me as soon as possible. He told me what it was yet, and I could even tell what it was by looks. Yet the smiles that he was working on were all I needed to know. I was sitting in the garden, listening to the wonderful song the birds had prepared. 

I heard some movement behind me and turned to look. My jaw went slack as I became speechless.

***

I finished my last project in my first notebook. The two weeks that I had been working went in a flash. Yet every minute had been worth it. I hammered in the last nail, setting the hammer down as I picked up the object. It was going to be a music box for the Queen, as she once told me her love of them. The box however not only played music, but was engineered to move certain carvings to look like a dance. I made sure that the Queen had only seen the inside, so the rest could be a surprise.

I winded up the box and let it play. The song was simple, I wasn’t a musician by any sort, but pretty. The carvings, dances of sorts, moved up and down as the center one turned in circles. That was the hardest piece to figure out, yet a preferible piece of time to think about.

I left the box in the room, vowing to bring the Queen back to see it. Edward followed me as I took the twist and turned to the garden. 

After I arrived I heard the Queen’s voice and turned the corner saying, “I finished the fine tuning! I was goin-” 

I stopped dead in my tracks. Mind going completely blank. Standing there with their bright blonde hair in a braid was the princess. She turned, green eyes meeting mine.

“V-VArian?” She gasped.

The male brunet next to her stood in front of her protectively.

I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I didn’t remember  _ how _ to. I didn’t know what to do. I stood still, wide eyed, unsure what else to do.  _ Not yet,  _ my mind screamed.  _ I’m not ready yet. _

“Varian!” The Queen said, surprised. “I wasn’t sure how long I needed to wait. But you can see some complications have come up. May I see it later?”

I was frozen, lost.

The Queen, frowning at my unresponsiveness, moved forward. 

“MOM! DON’T!” She yelled. Pulling her mother back. “He’s  _ dangerous _ .”

The words snapped me out of my trance. I stumbled back, signing something about later or room, my mind was too much in a panic to know.

The look on the Queen’s face when I signed looked so broken. She looked so  _ disappointed _ . I ran out of the garden. Heading straight toward my lab.

\---

I could only stare at the direction that he left in. Frozen in shock. He signed. He  _ signed. _ Please no, let this be a nightmare. We couldn’t have made so much progress just for it to just be broken down.

Any joy of Rapunzel coming back was dashed as I felt my shoulders slump.

“Mom?” Rapunzel asked, looking at me worried.

I couldn’t quite bring myself to look at her, still staring ahead.

“Your majesty?” Eugen asked this time.

I shook him off and looked at Rapunzel. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I’ll talk to you later. But-I have to go.”

I didn’t say for answers, as I tried to quickly look for the teen.

***

I hugged my knees, thousands of thoughts ran through my brain. I pressed my knees harder against my head, trying to silence those thoughts. Half of my brain was screaming while the other half seemed to try to make a logical plan. I couldn’t focus on anything else, I couldn’t even tell if I wa s br e a th i n g-

There was a sharp pain near my leg. I let out a yelp as I focused my eyes on the creature before me. Ruddiger’s eyes stared back at me.

Immediately my tense shoulders slumped.

“Ruddiger…”

Taking this as an invitation, he crawled up on my lap. I petted him slowly as his present brought calm. He licked my hand, ticking it.

I let out a laugh, “Sorry buddy, I don’t have any apples.”

He didn’t seem to mind this, and stood on my lap so we were eye to eye.

I looked at him in the daylight, he lost some pounds. Maybe after giving him so many sweets, he actually went on a diet in the wild. His hair was matted with some dirt, but other than that Ruddiger was clean. I didn’t get to see him often until lately. He only arrived in the night, the safety present that I need to feel safe to go to sleep.

He was my only true loyal companion. The only one that didn’t abandon me when things were hard or I didn’t prove use. The one who laid at my feet and stayed at my side in the cell that was only an imprisonment for me. My only friend.

I didn’t realize I was crying until Ruddiger licked my face. I smiled and hugged him closely.

_ “Don’t ever leave me, Ruddiger. I-I couldn’t handle it…” _

I stayed there for who knows how long.

I heard footsteps after a bit. The door was almosted slammed open and I winced at the force.

“Varian! Are you in here?” A female voice asked.

I curled up tighter, I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to be betrayed again, I  _ trusted her-! _

Someone looked under the large table, making eye contact with me.

“Varian…”

I tried to press myself back into the wall more.

A second face joined that one. I recognized them to be Edward and the Queen. I looked down at the floor as I heard them sit down.

I signed, ‘ _ Go-Go back’ _

“Go where?” The Queen asked.

I shrugged, releasing Ruddiger. Ruddiger stayed by my feet as I petted him.

“...why are you signing?” Edward asked.

I clenched my jaw and roughly pulled my hand out of Ruddigers fur. 

“Varian, please… just talk to us.” The Queen beseeched.

I didn’t dare look at her, I didn’t want to see that pain on her face. What  _ I _ caused… I pulled up my knees, just the simple act brought me comfort. I bit down on my tongue, a constant reminder of  _ never _ to speak. I shouldn’t have even tried to in the first place…

The Queen sounded almost in tears now. “Varian, we got you back to speaking sentences… please, we accomplished so much.”

My fingers dug into my knees, I tried anything to stop the tears from falling.  _ Don’t speak, Don’t speak, Don’t speak, Don’t speak, Don’t speak, Don't speak!  _ A memory flashed in my brain. 

_ The King's advisor stood smug as soon as the sentence left my mouth. _

_ “You mean that you hate Cornia and would do anything to destroy it?” _

_ Paintic, I responded. “That’s not what I said!” _

_ “You said that ‘All of Cornia will regret rejecting me and will pay’.” _

_ “That’s not-” _

_ “You hurt the Princess first, kidnapped the Queen, now for our people?” _

_ “Rapunzel betrayed me-!” _

_ “So then why hurt everyone else?” _

_ “I-Well,” My brain couldn’t think. _

_ “To hurt her?” He asked, poison licked his voice. _

_ “I-” He wouldn’t let me speak. _

_ “To hurt the people that she cared so deeply for? To go so far to try and murder her freinds?” _

_ I wasn’t going to- “I’m not-!” _

_ “What?” He asked, a snar crossed his face. “An alchemist, A criminal, a terrorist, a kidnapper, a traitor to the crown?!” _

_ “I’m not Dangerous! Please, just listen!” _

_ “Listen to you? A lying boy?” He laughed. “The more you speak, the more you dig your grave boy. You aren’t worth the time. Don’t waste the breath you soon won’t have.” _

_ The blood drained out of my face. The death threats in the crowd seem more real. I didn’t dare speak for the rest of the trile, or even again. The words echoed in my mind. Why waste my breath, why try now. Why did I even try to save Father? I knew what had happened. If I do speak, people only use it against me more, they don’t even listen. It brought pain, it opened up to many weaknesses. So what’s the point? _

I shook my head.

“Varina, please.” The Queen asked.

There was a silence.

I wanted to ask her, I almost opened my mouth. But I stopped myself. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t.  _ But you’ve trusted her this far. _ My mind whispered. But then Rapunzel came back, and her image shattered. I thought she cared. I thought everything was going to be fine. 

But nothing is ever fine. Nothing ever goes the way it should.

But what else do I have to lose? Acceptance? So against my mind, my mouth opened.

“Was I just a replacement?” I asked softly.

The silence answered for me.  _ Of course you were you stupid boy. _ It mocked me.  _ Just for a few months before they’d throw you back into the dungeon again! Back to where he- _

“Varian.” She said in a stern voice, snapping me out of my thoughts. “You could never replace her. You are you, as she is she. Varian, I care for you, even now. I still want to have our relationship. But you have to let me help.”

Tears fell again. A relief swept over me, a comfort. I don’t know when, my mind still seemed fuzzy. But I was pulled into her embrace.

“So,” The Queen asked. “What did you want to show me?”

A smile grew on my face as I jumped up and showed it to her. She marveled at the art work and gave another hug. She said it would go on heer mantal where she could see it every night. She told me she was proud of my work. It was really nice.

I went back to my room, the afternoon was passing and I had more to work on. More to get my mind off of then the person who would soon be roaming the halls.

***

I walked back to the room outside. Rapunzel was sitting with Eugne, but as soon as they saw me, Eugene left.

“Sorry about earlier, Rapunzel, but I wished for a -”

“Why was  _ he _ here?”

“In the palace?”

“Roaming around like he owned the place!”

I sighed. “Well, I was going to tell you before you two met.”

“Tell me what mom?” She asked worriedly. I only noticed her dark circles under her eyes. “That is a known criminal walking around!”

“I was going to tell you,” I said. “That he’s been moved to a room with a guard. He is only permitted in certain areas, but he can go places, yes. We also have been getting closer, and he’s turning for the better, Rapunzel.”

“How can you trust him? How can you trust he’s not planning something-!”

“He trusted me, and I trusted him before that. He hasn’t shown any indication of anything, so there’s no worry.”

_ “ _ But what he did-!”

“Is in the past.” I finished.

Rapunzel stared at me.

“Mom, what do the people think of this?”

“They,” I paused, guilty. “They don’t know yet.”

Rapunzel frowned, disbelieving. “What?”

“No one has seen Varain yet, they believe he’s still imprisoned.”

“So no one knows? Not even the servants?!”

I shook my head. “You know the gossip around-”

“MOM!” Rapunzel started, anger and took her calm attitude. “Out of everyone, I wouldn’t have thought you’d  _ go behind their back-” _

“ _ He _ needs help!” 

“ _ He’s  _ a criminal! Don’t you remember what he did?!”

I lashed. “Of course I  _ know _ . I was there when he was fulfilling his plan and when he was threatening to incase me with amber!”

“ _ He’s _ dangerous still! He’s not really your friend mom!”

“Oh? And you spent so much time with him like I did?”

A pained look crossed my Daughter’s face before the snare returned. “He hurt me like he hurt you!”

“That doesn’t mean he wasn’t sorry!”

Tears filled her eyes, as she replied hastily. “I tried to get his forgiveness, to forgive him, but it's useless! He refused me, and now that option is far gone!”

“He only needed a second chance!”

“He got it and threw it away!”

“You didn’t listen-!”

“Oh I listened!” She bit back. “I  _ listened _ to his  _ lies _ he fed me as he betrayed me.”

“He’s changed!” 

“Then why don’t you let the  _ people _ know of his “change”, huh?” She laughed bitterly. “I’m sure they see and understand.”

“You know they won’t-!”

“Then maybe you should listen!”

“He’s a good kid, once given the chance he’ll redeem himself!”

“ _ He’s _ dangerous!”

“ _ He’s only a child! _ ” I yelled out. I looked at Rapunzel. “Why can’t you see that?”

She stayed silent, a whirl of her own thoughts going on. A question came into mind. She wasn’t the one to argue, she never yelled at someone. Why was she so distrustful now?

“Rapunzel, what happened to you on your trip?”

Her eyes widened for a split second, before she looked away. “Nothing, I’ll leave you alone. I’m tired away…”

“Rapunzel,” I called out before she left. “Please, try to give him a chance.”

She didn’t say anything as she left, nor accnoged my request. The sigh died on my lips, today had been long enough already.

\---

I sighed after telling the long story and laid down next to Frederic. 

“Is this what’s it like to have teenagers?” I asked.

He gave a laugh, “I ‘suppose.”

I looked up to him. “Did I show you the music box Varian made me?”

He shook his head. “You’ve shown me a lot of work. I can’t imagine  _ one _ engineer who wouldn’t take him on as an appearance. Though, I think he might be smarter.”

I laughed at the thought and showed him. He smiled, and committed again, “I wonder what Rapunzel and he could do together…”

“Once they get along.” I pointed out, and sighed again. “Which by what I’ve seen, may never happen.”

Frederic stayed silent. “Give them time.”

“That might not work. You know what they’ve been through, it’s, it's hard to get around that.”

Federic raised an eyebrow. “And you think they can’t get past that?”

I shook my head, “No, no, Varian I can see. He’s changed so much. But Rapunzel...She’s changed. I don’t know what, but something happened.”

“Do you think it was with her boyfriend?”

I frowned. “I don’t know.”

He sighed. “Well you never know, she’ll tell us when she’s ready.”

I nodded, laying down, and embraced the comforts of sleep.

***

I was in the library, searching for a specific book about waterwheels. Edward was helping as well.

“This one?” He asked, pulling the book off the shelf. 

I took it and looked through the pages. The index only told me of one chapter that might prove useful, but nothing important. I shook my head and gave it back to Edward.

“Isn’t specific enough.” I answered.

I understood the basics of waterwheels, but I wanted something more defined. It would help with the next project. We continued to search in the back of the library. Until someone else entered. I froze, I hadn’t seen a servant in the library before, I peeked out of the book shelf to see two people. Edward saw them as well.

“Blonde, I know that you're taking it hard-” The male said.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Eugnue.” The girl said. They face their backs to us, and I couldn’t see much. “After  _ her _ betrayal, just why? I thought we were friends…”

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. Let’s just re-august, okay? Take it slow.”

“I’m trying, but after yesterday and seeing  _ him, _ it made all the feelings come up again. And talking to my mom, I just got  _ so mad _ -”

“You're still processing stuff, have you done your journal in a while? Art always made you calmer.”

The girl sighed. “Not yesterday, but maybe I can today.”

“Great, nice going sunshine, now let's get that book and-”

He turned and immitaly I recognized him as an Eugene. Then the girl was-

I almost yelped as Edward set a hand on my shoulder and said, “Your breathing was off.”

I nodded, noticing it now. I didn’t mind my hands much, maybe a little shaky. I closed my eyes for a second and tried to work myself down again. It was fine, as long as we didn’t make eye contact it should be fine.

I grabbed for a book randomly and pulled it out to see Rapunzel's face staring back at me. The book dropped out of my hands, and crashed on the floor.

She stared at me as I stared at her. I suddenly snapped out of it and scrambled to pick the book up. I put it back on the shelf and grabbed another, flipping through the pages and skimming everything. I heard her walking around the bookshelf, and I grabbed for another book. I could tell she was probably only a foot away, but I didn’t dare look. Edward stood helplessly to the side.

“Varian.” She addressed me coldly.

I flinched but kept searching. I pressed my lips in a firm line, not letting a pip get out.

“Varian.” She called again.

I grabbed for another book, ignoring her call. I put it back and started towards another.

Her hand shot forwards and grabbed me and twisted me to look at her.

“Varain!”

I looked at her wide eyed, wanting to pull back, but something kept me still.

She studied me for a minute. Until Eugene came around the corner to see what his girlfriend was up to. He looked at the man, then me, and then looked at Rapunzel.

At his arrival I pulled back my hand and kept it close to my chest. I looked to the floor, unwilling to meet their gaze.

“What are you doing here, Varian?” She asked.

A snap came up, almost from nowhere. “Anyone can come to the Library.”

“I meant  _ here _ , in the castle.” She responded coldly. “Your up to something-”

“ _ I’m here _ ,” I replied, interrupting her. “Because of the Queen.”

I went to grab another book. As Rapunzel continued to question me.

“What do you want with my mom? Are you going to hurt her more then you already have?”

I flinched, but kept my head down. “I’m… I’m trying to fix-”

“You can’t fix anything Varian! You’ve done enough damage, isn’t that enough?”

“I’ve done damage?” I asked. I looked up into her emerald eyes with a glare. “What about you? What about your broken promises,  _ princess _ ?”

She glared back.“I couldn’t have done anything, besides my people need me more than you.” She almost growled out.

I looked away momentarily. Memories flowing back.

“Then what about later? I waited a week, heck, I stayed up day and night trying to fix-”  _ what I had done _ , “-and you never came!”

“I-I,” Raapunzel bite her lip. She straightened her posture again, and said, “Then does that give you the right to hurt people?”

I bit my tongue hard enough to bleed, and my hands turned to fist. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” I mumbled.

“Oh? Oh! Then what went wrong? Because I remember a lot of people  _ you _ hurt, Varain. You almost  _ killed  _ my mom!”

“I-I-I wasn’t goin-” I stuttered.

“What? You threatened, you attempted, Varain.”

“I’m trying to be better!” I called out.

“That won’t change what you’ve done!” she lechered. “You  _ almost _ killed them! You almost killed  _ Cassandra!” _

The room went silent at her name. My eyes widened,  _ where was Cassie? _ Rapunzel went pale, as did Eugene. 

“I-I have to go.” She stuttered out. She left so quickly I forgot the argument happened. Eugene left quickly behind Rapunzel.

“So, well, that was interesting.” Edward committed.

I looked down at the book in my hands, it looked like it would do. “Let’s… let’s just go back to the room.”

\---

A week passed and I hadn’t seen Rapunzel. The Queen hadn’t come by as often, but made sure to see me every other day. But without seeing Rapunzel I felt tense, like something was going to happen. My mind kept wandering off, thinking about the pass. I thought of the pumpkin patches, the ones my village always had. Were they still growing? Or had the rocks destroyed them? What happened with the village? How were the black rocks? Dad always grew pumpkins around hi-

My finger slipped and the piece of paper caught fire. 

“Agh!” I yelled out.

I grabbed it again, but it was too late. The paper burst into flames. I stepped back, dropping it to the floor. Edward, who had been standing in the doorway, rushed over and grabbed my sleeve to push me away. He quickly stomped on the flame to put it out.

He turned back to me, looking more annoyed than a blank face. “That was the third one this week.”

I smiled sheepishly.

Edward shook his head and grabbed my shirt collar. “Come on, we’re going back to the room.”

“W-Wait! I need to turn it off so there won’t be any chemical reaction! If the-”

Edward let go, and I quickly turned off the small flame and covered some of the tubes. I looked back to see Edward justered toward me to come on out.

I called out to Ruddiger and woke him from his short nap as he jumped on my shoulders. We walked peacefully to the room, I had memorized the turns and almost wanted to challenge myself to see if I could do it blindfolded.

I wondered what I could do this afternoon, I hadn’t picked up a book for a bit. I need to read over Flynn Rider again…

Next thing I knew my face was implanted in fabric.

I stumbled back and looked up. To see a younger man.

“Sorry buddy, didn’t see you there-”

He gave a puzzled look, “Varian?”

I looked away and tried to move past him, but he grabbed my arm.

“Wait! Kid!”

His grip was stronger and remind me too much of-

Edward was next to Eugene with a frown and a hand out in front of me.

Eugene dropped my arm and put his hand up saying, “Whao, whoa, calm down. I just wanted to talk to the kid. Nothin’ dangerous.”

Edward looked at me and backed off. This gave some relief to Eugnue.

He gave one last glance to Edward before he looked at me again. “Hey kid, long time no-see?”

I didn’t reply, not feeling comfortable enough.

“You don’t talk as much as you used to.” He noted. I lowered my eyes away again. “Not that it’s a bad thing but I just wanna talk.”

I nodded slightly, I didn’t really know if he saw or not or just continued to talk. 

“Well, you know that Rapuzels have been a little off, I guess. The trip didn’t totally go as planned… And it was a surprise to see you here too.”

He sighed, waited a moment, I guess to see if I’d respond, but met with silence he continued. “She’s having some emotional issues that take awhile to get over and such. You're a good kid, hairstrip. She believes that too, she’s just… having a hard time remembering that over what happened last.”

He set his hands on my shoulders, and I stiffened.  _ Dad used to do that when- _

“Listen, google's. Just give Rapunzel some space, don’t rile her up, she’ll remember. I believe in you kid, I see that you're trying to change. Can you do that? For Team awesome?”

I bit my lip, hesitantly I nodded.

“Welp,” he lifted his hand and clapped. “Nice talk, hope to do it again, and see ya.”

And just like he arvive he disappeared. I sighed, and thought about it.  _ What happened on that trip? Where was Cassie? Rapunzel used to be different… What changed? _

Edward walked me back to the room where John was. That night, I couldn’t get the questions out, but the finale drifted off to sleep under the couch.

***

“Good morning Sunshine-” I stopped. She wasn’t in her room, or on the floor of her room. 

I looked up to see her hair swangin from place to place and her in the middle of it. Her ceiling, which was painted a little before, was now filled out to the brim, yet one section was painted over in white.

“Um, Sunshine? I don’t think your breakfast will be up there this morning.”

She looked down, her eyebags could be seen from here. I winced. “Eugene!”

She swung down to greet me. “I didn’t hear you come in! Do you like my paintings?”

“I love anything you draw-”

“Expect your cute scared face?”

“Besides that-” I frowned. “-When was the last time you slept Rapunzel?”

Her face slackened for a moment before her cheery smile was plastered on again.

“Don’t worry about me Eugene! I’m fine, I was just painting. I feel very refused after I paint!”

“Is it the dreams again? Rapun-”

She waved me off. “I wonder what we should do today?”

“Maybe you should rest?” I offered.

“I’m fine Eugene, really!” Her smile felt fake.

I looked up again, the section she painted over was her adventures with Cassandra, if I was right. “Then why did you paint over it?”

“Over what?”

“Over-” I stopped. Her smile was too forced, and her posture seems sluggish. “-Nevermind. How about you take a long nap. A princess needs her beauty sleep! I sure need mine, or how else would I look this h andsome?”

“But it’s only-”

“I’ll tell your mom you were painting late into the night and needed to sleep in! Please, Rapunzel, for me?”

She looked up into my eyes and slumped. “Okay, okay, but only awhile. I don’t want  _ those _ dreams again.”

“Have they changed?” I asked.

She shook her head and held a downcast look. “Not a detail.”

I sighed. “Then I’ll leave you to it, Pastel?”

The frog came down the wall and listened. “Wake her if she gets restless.”

Pastel nodded and gave a salute.

I closed the door and sighed. If she starts breaking then I might too.  _ Just wait, it’ll get better. It has too. _

\---

I walked down to the usual place where the King and Queen ate breakfast. The morning was fresh and the air was clean, it was going to be a nice day today. I arrived at the area, the Queen and King had already sat down and were talking to someone.

“Just wait, they will b-” The King looked up. “-Ah! Here they are!”

“Rapunzel isn’t coming this morning.” I replied quickly.

Queen looked slightly disappointed, but like Rapunzel she hid it well. “Where is she then?”

“Sleeping, she stayed up painting. And you know a princess needs her beauty sleep!”

“Of course!” She replied, then gesturing to the man next to her she said. “But I’m sure you can tell the Captain some information.”

My face drained as I glanced at the man.  _ Yup, that’s the stern face of Cassandra’s Father and Captain of the Guard! Perfect! Just my luck… _

“Um, Captain! Nice to… see you so soon after… our trip.”

“Yes,” He replied, though not in the happiest mood. “But I would like to know why I haven’t seen my daughter after you returned, she came with you didn’t she?”

“Yes!” I replied, maybe too quickly. “Yes, she did indeed! Well you see, um, I, well she, uh…” My mind was drawing to a blank.

“Yes?” He asked in patiently.

“Well-We met a friend on the trip and our trip didn’t give us much but a-new lead! So Rapunzel felt homesick, and I took her back while Cass-an-dra adventures on with our friend!”

He narrowed his eyes. “Why didn’t she send any letter?”

“Uh,” I scratched the back of my head. “You know how she is, probably forgot!”

He sighed, “I’m sure, but as a parent I worry too.”

“Well you know how she is! She’ll be fine, roads perfect fine with nice people!” I said lying through my teeth.

“Alright, Fitzherbert.” He stood up and bid his Farewell to the King and Queen.

“Tell me if you get anything, Fitzherbert!” He yelled over his shouldered as he left.

“Uh-huh!”I called back, only slouching in relief after I lost sight of him.

I turned back to the King and Queen. “Well-”

The Queen gestured to the food. “Come along, it’s getting cold!”

“Well I have to go meet Lance-”

“He can wait a few minutes.” The Queen replied.

“We don’t get to talk too much to our daughter’s boyfriend.” The King said.

I cleared my throat. “Of course…”

We sat in an awkward silence, and the only conversation topics I would have thought about were old thiv’n stories.  _ Why can’t I hold a normal conversation with the Myeistes without Blondie? _

Before the breakfast was over, which I was itching to leave, the Queen asked, “What was your favorite thing on the trip?”

My mind went to all the fun and dangerous stuff, of course all the stories as well! I replied vaguely, “The adventure!”

The Queen hummed. “Who was your friend that Cassandra went with?”

“Adria.” I answered. “Nice lady had some common interest with Cassandra.”

“And what clue did you find about the black rocks?”

I had a feeling that she was suspicious of me, which totally couldn’t happen because I am awesome! -At lying.

“Well, you know, some stuff. I really need to go meet Lance-”

She smiled. “Okay, but come again tomorrow!”

I nodded and left as quickly as possible.  _ She couldn’t suspect anything, right? _

  
  


***

  
  


I walked down the hallway, and surprisingly the Queen was there. We hadn't met in quite some time.

“Hello, I didn’t expect to see you here.”

She smiled. “I’m glad to meet on good terms. We should really speak more, I miss your comfort.”

I matched her smile. “Me too, yet duty calls.”

She sighed. “Sadly, but it would be nice to talk under the stars again. Maybe without Willow’s commanpy.”

“She did make a rack, wondering how the animals still fair with their hearing…”

The Queen laughed, “Remember the time she got you trapped in a tree?”

“I wasn’t trapped! Just slightly stuck.”

“By your leg?” She said grinning wide.

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, okay, fine. But why the late hours?”

“I was thinking of having breakfast with Varian and Rapunzel tomorrow.”

“That seem risky… besides Varian sta-”

She waved me off, “But with everyone, I’m sure Rapunzel will be more… polite. And Varian, well, I hope he just speaks.”

She looked determined again, just like those other times.

“If you think Rappunzel can dea-”

“Great!” She replied hastily. “Tell Varian, and I’ll clue Rapunzel in later.”

“Um, do y-” I tried to say, but she was already off. Probably didn’t want to hear my disagreements.

I sighed deeply. Just hope for the best, with Adriana around that’s all you can do.

\---

Varian did not like the news. But only willingly went because the Queen asked him too. He looked tired, and once I asked him about it, I really started to worry. His eyes had dark purple underneath them, and he seemed to be fighting gravity to stand up.

We walked to the white pullvinan, where the King and Queen always had their breakfast. Rapunzel and her boyfriend were also there. Rapunzel seemed to watch Varian out of the corner of her eye, while the Queen welcomed him.

She tried to start a conversation with him, but he only nodded. The Queen’s smile dimmed a little but she kept up high spirits and talked more with Rapunzel and Eugene.

Varain picked at his food. Closing his eyes for a moment, then moved slightly to wake himself up.

Varian leaned against his arm and closed his eyes for a solid minute while the King was talking to Rapunzel. 

“I’m happy about your trip Rapunzel, your stories are interesting as well. But would yo-”

_ Thud. _ Varain’s head hit the table, then he shot up, wide awake and alert.

“Varain! Are you alright!?” The Queen asked worriedly.

“Yeah, yeah.” He said quietly.

He rubbed his eyes again. Rapunzel and Eugene shared a look, while the Queen continued to stare nervously at Varian.  _ I really should have kept him in the room… _

A minute passed by and Varian was looking down at his plate. 

It was silent at the table when all of the sudden he asked, “When bread is baked, you give yeast organisms false hope by feeding them sugar, before baking them to death and eating their corpses.”

“...What?”

I wanted to slap myself. This was such a bad idea. Varian, remarkably continued to talk.

“ Maybe plants are really farming us, giving us oxygen until we eventually expire and turn into mulch which they can consume…”

“What's with the death?” Eugene whispered to Rapunzel.

“Varina,” The Queen seemed to ask cautiously, now noticing his dark circles. “When did you go to sleep last night?”

“I didn't,” He responded suddenly oddly cheerfully.

“So, you stayed up all night?” The Queen asked.

He held up four fingers. “Two nights!”

The Queen took a small moment to process this before exploding, “What?!”

She whirled around towards me and gave me a death glare. It has gotten better over the years, I’ll give her that.

“Why would you let him-?” She whispered, though the room was silent enough for me to hear.

I mouthed back, “I let him stay up one night and only knew about last night this morning! John was supposed to be in charge of this stuff!”

“That doesn’t exclude you young man!” She mouthed back, while the others stared at us patiently.

“I can’t watch if I’m not there.” I resonded.

She sighed, “We’ll talk later.”

She turned back to the table and sat down again. The King cleared his voice.

“Dear,” He said softly, “Why don’t we let Varian get some rest?”

“Oh, yes.” She gave a small stem look at Varian. “Don't do that again.”

He’s eyes were half lidded, but he nodded and murmured out loud enough for everyone to tense up, “My Dad’s gonna kill’n me when he findsss out I did it again…”

He stood up quickly, he’s face went white and his legs stiffened. He leaned forward, with a quick reaction from me, I caught him in my arms before he hit the floor.

The Queen, along with the other gasp.

“It’s fine-” I called out, so that there wouldn’t be much alarm. “-He stood up too fast. He’ll be fine.”

At that, they calmed down. Once Varian opened his eyes, I gently lifted him up, he was concerningly still very light, and I carried him back to the room. Where he spent most of the day sleeping.

\---

After a full five minutes, the Queen finale accepts that she may have to set up some rules for Varian concing he’s bed time. It was nice to see her worrying now about his sleep patterns. It was something that a mother would do…

“Well, I guess that event is settled then. Maybe instead of breakfast we could have dinner next week!”

“Well, Varian was willing to go to breakfast, so it might be possible. But what did the Princess think?”

The Queen frowned as she thought. “She didn’t say much on the subject, probably due to our argument. But nothing came out of it. Well, I must get going-”

“Wait-!”

“Yes?” She asked.

I winced. “I know this is short notice but I’m taking tomorrow off. I let John know so I just need someone to be in the morning for a couple of hours until John shows up.”

“Is it tomorrow?” She questioned. “I hadn’t realized! Sorry Edwa-”

I flinched.

“-um. Even has been happening so fast I didn’t consider…”

“It’s fine,” I comforted. “I just need a break for a day, to think.”

She frowned. “I’m still worried for you. It’s been years and you still have your nightmares!”

I shrugged, grimanceing. “That’s what I get for the sin that I’ve done.”

“Edw-It’s not your fault. Why can’t you forgive yourself?”

“ _ Because I murdered him! _ ” I yelled suddenly at her with an unlocked rage that had sprung to life.

She backed away, wide eyed and shocked. 

I stepped away, sighing and running a hand through my hair. “Sorry, didn’t mean to snap.”

I had tried to forget those emotions, they didn’t help a guard. Besides, everyone had moved on, so I should pretend to too.

“Edward, you didn’t kill him-”

“Tell that to his grave!” I muttered.

She reached for my arm,“Ed-!”

I yanked out of her reach, “Don’t call me that, you know I hate it.”

She stayed silent.

“I’m sorry your majesty, but right now isn’t the best time to talk about this.”

I started to walk away when she said, “You aren’t selfish, not like you think you are. None of it is your fault.”

I walked quicker, even if I wanted to try and forgive myself, my conscience wouldn’t let me.

\---

I came back the next day, like nothing had happened before. John was waiting by the door.

“There's a face I haven't seen forever.” He committed.

I smirked, “I feel like I couldn’t forget this hallway if I tried.”

“Better smell than the dungeons.”

John seemed in better spirits today. I nodded and walked into the room with the plate. The room was dark again. I sighed, it happens too much already, yet I was surprised that it hadn’t happened earlier this week.

I set the plate on the table, and immitaly bent down to see under the couch. He was there, looking back at me. Not in the blank stare he sometimes had, where he would look passed you, but registering. His eyes were red, telling me that probably before he had his panic attack. Now was just the after effects.

“Why did you leave?” He asked first, not making any move to leave.

“I took a day off.” I responded. “Why are you under the couch again?”

He looked away and didn’t answer. 

I sighed, “I got you some food again… and the Queen I think is going to plan to have dinner with you and some others next week.”

“The princess?” He asked, with barely any emotion at all.

“Yes, again.”

He frowned slightly. “I don’t remember much of the breakfast….”

“You were pretty out of it.”

He hummed back, but stayed under the couch.

“Are you going to come out?” I asked after a minute of sitting there.

He shrugged, or I thought he did. He seemed pretty okay, making some conversation. I left him and decided to check on him later.

He moved stiffly all day, like he was aching. He also didn’t eat anything. I stayed silent and waited to watch if this continued. The next day he seemed fine, ate and everything, still stiff…

***

“So, Blondie, what are you doing again?”

Rapunzel sighed, though looking much more enterjectic as she hadn’t had any dreams lately and got some well-deserved rest.

“I’m painting the paper of the lanter to see which colors stand out more, then in a bit I have a meeting which is why my mother's here.”

“I get that,” I responded. “But why work on the lanterns now? Shouldn’t you be preparing for that thing you have on thursday?”

“Wednesday, dear.” The Queen said.

“Wednesday,”I replied.

“The festival for my birthday is coming up and the people have said that they still want to continue the tradition. You should remember this Eugene!”

“Right, Of course I remember, I was testing if you did.” I responded.

_ Great job! Now she shall never know that we  _ ** _Totally_ ** _ forgot! _

“If you remembered it so well, then when’s the date?” She asked with an eyebrow raised.

_ Ah! She knows too much! _

“The first-” I began, the frog on Rapunzel's shoulder shook its head. “-Number is a two-” I racked my brain for the next as the frog jest glared at me. “-and a four…”

“It’s the seventieth.” The Queen replied behind me.

Rapuzel smiled still, “I forgive you, besides it's only been a  _ year _ since we met. And such a forgettable story of how we met-”

“Your going to torture me all day, aren’t you?”

“Not if you admit your wrong.”

I glanced at Pastel who only gestured to Rapunzel.  _ Why do I look at the frog anyways? He never helps! _

I sighed dramatically. “Fine, I forgot.”

She giggled, “Your so-”

The door was opened as a guard marched in with a child in tow. The smell of smoke followed them. The guard marched up to the Queen and pushed the child in front of them.

“He’s under your care now.” He said plainly.

The kid was Varian, who seemed very nervous.

The Queen frowned, “What happened?”

The guard had already started marching out and yelled over his shoulder. “Ask him! I have to deal with the maids.”

The door was slammed shut. The Queen looked to Varian, waiting a moment for an explanation.

“Well?” She asked.

He suddenly became interested in the floor. He glanced up one at the Queen and signed carefully.

“You  _ what? _ ” She asked, her voice almost on the brink of yelling.

He whispered down to the ground, only loud enough for the Queen.

“ _ You set the room on FIRE!?” _ She said, yelling now.

“It was an accident!” He responded.

“How was it an accident?” She questioned.

He struck a speechless, poor kid, he laughed awkwardly and smiled as he glanced at every object in the room. Never daring to look at the Queens deadly gaze.

“Well, um, you know I, uh, was experimenting with some Flynnoelium-”  _ Aww yeah! Who got an element named after them?Hmmm? _ “-and I recently found out it’s incredibly unstable, can you believe that?”  _ Maybe I shouldn’t be so proud… _ “I, uh, dropped some chemicals in it without realizing what reaction it would bring… and it ...uh, yeah.”

The Queen took a moment to calm herself before replying. “At least you aren’t hurt, but Varian you shouldn’t be using dangerous chemi-”

“It’s not  _ that _ dangerous…” He murmured.

“Uh, sorry to point out,” I interrupted. “But not from what I recall.”

Varian gave a small glare at me before nervously looking at the Queen.

“You're grounded from Alchemy for a week.” She replied emotionless.

“ _ What?! _ ” Varian responded. “But-!”

“Varian.” The Queen said sternly, Varian snapped his mouth shut. “I trusted you not to do anything dangerous, this is for your safety as was others.”

He sighed and nodded, taking a seat next to her.

I looked to Rapunzelto see what she thought, but she was humming away and painting like she hadn’t noticed. I didn’t mention it.

Varian didn’t say anything during the time we stayed in the room. Before Rapunzel had to leave, another guard came by to take varian back to the room, but he seemed different from the one before. Varian seemed almost reluctant to go with him…

I ignored the scene and focused more on Rapunzel.

***

The Queen came by one morning, it had been almost a month since her last visit like this. I stayed in the room while she talked to Varian. 

She seemed to want to catch up, but after a half hour she asked suddenly, “Varain, what’s going on with you this week? You’ve been…”

He stared at the ground for a bit, unresponsive. Finally after a minute passed he admitted it.

“Dad’s birthday was yesterday.”

“Oh.” The Queen replied, but nothing else came past her lips. 

What could be said? He was trying to distract himself all week. The late nights, new projects, and way more experiments. It was similar to say how much I could relate.

After a moment a different conversation popped up, and they were off again. Before the Queen had left, she asked Varian if he would come to dinner with her and the others in a couple days. He agreed, I didn’t know why I felt surprised. Yet he seemed to grow more sociable as the days went by…

More progess.

***

Days passed, experiments were run and new theories came and went. I had almost forgotten what day I had passed without any break down. I rubbed my arm gently,  _ I just wished I didn’t have to deal with that. _

I tried to dress nicely, or in my option in my normal clothes with just no chemical stains! And that fit me...I lifted my googles behind, but I didn’t want to part with my gloves, my hands always felt too weird without them.

Edward led the way to a new room. It was nice, it was a light red color with a large oak table in the center. Some of the others were around the table, the Queen and King of course and Eugene and Rapunzel. I sat down next to the Queen, as she gestured to the seat when I entered the room, and sat in silence for a few minutes. I never minded being overlooked, most of the villagers did unless I messed up. But every so often the Queen would ask me something and some small talk would happen before she gave her attention back to the others. She made sure I felt included, or at least somewhat.

Then the conversation went to a wrong turn, I don’t remember where it started but even the room seemed to darken in light.

“Have you received any news on Cassandra?” The King asked. “The Captain is still anxious on any news.”

Rapunzel’s smile faulted a tiny bit, “Not yet, but who knows how far away she could be!”

“Yes,” Eugnene agreed. “She will probably be traveling very quickly, If I know Cass-andra.”

The Queen smiled, “We would gladly hear of her travels, what lead did you find?”

“Uh,” Both Rapuzel and Eugene seemed at a loss, until Rapunzel started speaking. “Well, we found that Dark Kingdom. It told us a lot about the rocks, and we, uh, found a way to stop them growing more. Yet not the source… so Cass looked on.”

_ That doesn’t make sense… if they didn’t find the source, then how did they stop the rocks? _

  
  


“How did you stop the rocks from growing?” I asked out loud. 

“It was-uh, complicated and boring. Let’s talk about something more interesting!” Rapuzel responded before Eugene could say anything.

I glanced up to Rapunzel, curious now. Was she… lying?

“But how?” I questioned further.

She stopped smiling, “I said that it wasn’t fit for a dinner topic, besides there are thousands of things that we could talk about.”

“You're avoiding the question.” I stated.

“And you're pressing the issue.” She snapped.

“Calm down.” The Queen said, gaining our attention, but Rapunzel didn’t look away so neither did I. “Let’s just eat, and forget about this. It’s supposed to be a nice dinner.”

“Agreed, your majesty.” Said Eugnene. “Come on Sunshine!”

“Oh, sure!” Raounzel replied, with sacraism in her voice. “Let’s forget about everything  _ Varain’s _ ever done and pretend it’s a perfectly happy world!”

I snapped back,  _ If she wants to play that game. _ “Sure!” I agreed. “Let’s forget about all your  _ broken promises  _ then too!”

She glared, and I glared back.

“Your no saint, Princess.” I hissed.

“And you're a criminal.” She replied. “How would you like to explain  _ that  _ to your father?”

It felt like a slap to the face, how many sleepless nights had I wondered about that? Nightmares caused by that same question. But the rage came back, and I wasn’t letting anything hold it back.

“Please!” The Queen said. “Just sit down!”

“No mom!” Rapunzel replied. “You need to understand that You let a  _ criminal _ into the castle!”

“Oh? I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more things that have been let into this castle,  _ lier _ .”

She turned back to me.

“I was helping people, people who need more help than you.”

“But you never thought of after words? Huh? No… too caught up with your perfect life!”

She laughed, small and bitterly. “My life’s never been  _ perfect _ . In fact, this year alone has been the best one. But I'm sure you wouldn’t understand being isolated for your whole life.”

“And I bet then-” I retorted back.”-You don't know what it’s like to lose a parent in front of your eyes!”

“That’s where you're wrong!” She yelled. “I’ve seen my so-called  _ mother _ die. I know the feeling. You aren’t the only one,  _ Varain _ . You don’t know pain like I do.”

_ How dare she-  _ ** _I_ ** _ haven’t gone through enough pain! _ My lips curled into a snarl as my words flowed out into a shout before I could think. 

“ _ HE BEATS  _ ** _ME_ ** _ ! _ ”

The room went dead silent. A dropped pin could be heard. I felt my facial features slackened as my words regester in my mind.  _ I just- _

My hands shook as I brought up one to cover my mouth, not trusting it. Rapunezl stared at me, at a loss for words. But I couldn’t concentrate now. 

The room was too hot, too stuffy. I could breath-  _ where was the oxegen? He will know- He’ll do it again-! Out, please, get me out! _

I stumbled backwards, almost losing my footing. I heard a voice shout behind me but I was already gone.

***

The dinner ended uptly. I tried to follow Varian but he had disappeared.  _ Who? Who was he talking about? _ But my mind already knew, I had no doubt. Why didn’t I see it before? I saw it so early! I bit down on my lip, another thing that my own mind completely ignored out of naiveness. I looked at the room, but no one was there. I racked my brain to where he could’ve gone. I checked the alchemy room, but it was empty too. I ran back to the dining room to see the Queen and King talking to a group of guards. They sent them off as soon as I entered the room.

The Queen saw me and her eyes lit up for a second. 

“Did you find him?”She asked hopefully.

I shook my head, and her spirits lowered. 

“I sent the guards to patrol around, and to request to find John and bring him here.”

“So you think so too.” 

She sighed, “It has to be, he was one of the only ones closest to Varain and knew about him-And it wasn’t his father, I know that for sure.”

I nodded, feeling like a weight was in my stomach. “I couldn’t find John.”

She looked worried, “You don’t think he heard, did he?”

“I-I don’t know.” I don’t know how he could, but…

The Princess came up to us along with Eugene. “You haven’t found him?”

She looked guilty, I wouldn’t have ever guessed that before she seemed to have held such a rage.

The Queen shook her head. The Princess bit her lip, and nodded. Eugene wrapped an arm around her and whispered things.

It was quiet for a few minutes, none of us really knew what to do. That was until there was a loud noise. For at least thirty seconds it lasted, it took a minute for the rest of us to understand that it was a scream.

***

I wandered into the gardens. I didn’t exactly know where I was headed, but it seemed like the right place. I walked around, getting my breath back. I picked up a yellow rose and leaned against a wall. Mostly hidden from sight.

I sighed and looked at the flower. It was harder to see the color in this time of night, but touches nearby gave some light. I rested my head on the stone behind me, wondering what to do now.

I felt the soft petals with my fingers, taking off the gloves just for that. The wind was chilly, but I didn’t mind it much. I heard a nearby sound, and scrunched up into a ball. I picked out slightly through my hair to see. A group of guards were looking about, most likely looking for me, yet they pasted.

I carefully got up to see if they went by, or if I should move. I didn’t see a sign of them so I felt like I was in the clear.

A gloved hand was pressed against my mouth and I was yanked back. I tried to scream but the glove held tight. Another hand wrapped around my waste as I caught. I tried to struggle. Whoever caught me leaned down my ear, to where I could feel the breath on my skin.

“Nice to see you again, kid.” The voice said.

A chill went down my spin, and I stopped struggling. It was John. I couldn’t see him, but I knew it was him.  _ He knew already. I knew it, his going to hurt me, he’s- _

“Now, now, let’s not pass out.” He said towards my quickly escalating breathing.

“Good thing I was passing a group of guards who were chatty, otherwise I wouldn’t have understood why someone was looking for me.”

He let go suddenly and slammed his knee into my stomach. I gasped for breath as I fell to the floor, I could vagilly hear John still talking.

“-Little brat! I told you not to tell. Now you know what happens.”

My head felt slightly dizzy, but I blinked it away. John curled his hand into my hair and lifted me up. I whimpered as he lifted me up higher. I glanced up to see John pulling out a small tube of bright green alchemy chemicals. He grabbed my chin and was working to pry it open as well as keeping me still. I wished I was stronger, but I felt too weak. He easily overpowered me, I felt terrified. Water leaked out of my eyes as I tried to close my jaw.

_ It was like back in the cell-No-No NO! _

“This is for everything! My family-Your stupidness! I told you to shut your dirty mouth brat, now for the consequences. Get a taste of your own alchemy!”

He poured it down my throat. It felt cold at first, then a burning like no other. I couldn’t hear, there was such a loud noise. I don’t know what it was. John pulled away, dropping whatever he had in his hand.

I leaned down, spitting the green out of my mouth. A splatter of green came out, but more red overpowered it in color. It felt like a waterfall, my head felt light, too. I tried to use my fingers to get it out, but it always came back. I was coughing it up, and could barely make sense of what was going on around me. A twist of pain happened near my scalp as the ground grew farther away, but then I was back face first into the grass.

Someone kept murmuring words, then there were more people yelling. But my world was fading into a black before I knew anything else.

\---

I slowly opened my eyes to a white room. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I felt like I had done too much of that. Like sleeping in or something.

I was warm, a blanket was on me. It was soft, or maybe a little rough. A weight was near my feet, probaby Ruddiger. It sounded like it was in the afternoon. Did I pass out? No, that doesn’t sound right…

My throat was hurt, did I sleep with my mouth open again? I hope I didn’t catch anything, it really hurts...

I heard someone talking. But that didn’t alarm me. What had happened?

_ This wasn’t my room. _

The thought dawned on me like a flush of cold water being spilled. This wasn’t my home in Old Cornia. This wasn’t in my cell. This wasn’t my room in the castle. Where was I?

I sat up, my body seemed to moan at the action. I glanced around, trying to get out of bed-I had to get out. This wasn’t a safe place! 

“You can’t leave yet!” A voice said, pushing me back. But I had to leave, it wasn’t right here.

“Varian,” A voice called. “Calm down, it’s alright. Just lay down and I’ll explain.”

I recognized the person to be the Queen, but why was she here? That didn’t make sense. Then the memories rushed back. I felt sick at once. My fingers went straight towards my throat to feel, but the skin seemed fine. 

The Queen stopped me from trying to feel more.

“Varian listen, it’s alright now. John’s gone. Your throat will take some time to heal, but the doctors believe that you’ll still be able to speak. Don’t test now, and please, use sign language for now, okay?”

I shook my head, and tried to feel my tongue. I quickly opened my mouth and touched, it was a little scared, but seemed fine. And the ache seemed fine too. It didn’t make sense. It was acid, I knew what I created. It was a small amount but should’ve done more harm than that. Maybe even...

I looked up to the Queen and signed, ‘ _ what happened?’ _

“I told-”

‘ _ No-No,’ _ I responded. ‘ _ More to that-what happened?’ _

The Queen bit her lip. “We came with the guards and found you. Varian, you looked dead! I-I didn’t-” She stopped taking a deep breath. She reached out wards towards my face, touching my cheek softly. “Rapunzel somehow saved you. It was her tears again, she doesn’t know how, but the blood stopped just enough to save you from choking. The scarring shouldn’t be bad-she couldn’t take everything like last time, but it was enough.”

Oh. Heh. Saved by the person who I thought hated me. But it was my fault that this happened, wasn’t it? I created the acid-I created the amber- I created this problem.

The Queen apologized, but she didn’t need to. But she didn’t come back. Edward came by once or twice in the couple of days. Asking about how I was doing. I hadn’t eaten the first day, and the second only a tad. The food, even soup, scrapped my thoughts and made it hurt more. I didn’t try speaking until the second week of being in the room. The nurse was nice, helping me out. She also bringed a ton of books, which I happily read. My vocal cords actually were still good, not damaged. They were cracky at first, but soon sentences felt smoother and better.

The whole time I didn’t see Rapunzel once. I thought about it for weeks in the room. She saved me, so… what did that mean? I didn’t know how to process that. I sighed again, what would I do in return? Being rude wouldn’t be the greatest way of being thankful...but that means thank her or greater yet, asking forgiveness. I wrestled with the thoughts until one day I asked Edward if Rapunzel could come and meet me.

I didn’t know if she’d accepted until the time I asked would pass. I waited on the balcony of the room, it faced the night sky. I stood there, not knowing if I should plan on what to say or just go with it. But by the time I was trying to think of what to say she came.

“Hello, Varain, you're looking better.” She commited.

Her hair was back the same way it always was, but she seemed more relaxed, not quick to anger. I felt more calm too, maybe it was a peaceful night..

“Hi princess, thanks for meeting with me.”

She smiled, “I wanted to visit you, but I didn’t know what to say...or if you’d want to see me.”

I nodded. Silence sunk in before I found the right words to say. “Rapunzel, a couple of months ago you asked me to forgive you. I’m the one who should’ve been asking that. I hurt you, but you’ve helped me more then once, and I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?”

She stared at me, “What did you say?”

A flush came up to my cheeks. “Um, can you forgive me?”

She smiled so bright I could’ve wondered how the sun appeared in the night. She gave me a swift hug.

“Of course I can! I need to apologize too, I’ve had… a lot on my mind and bitterness got the better of me… I’ve made mistakes that have harmed you-words that have harmed you. Can you forgive me too?”

I smiled back at her,”I should’ve a long time ago. Time, I guess, helps heal the pass.”

“I guess it does.”

After saying it, it felt so much better. Like a weight had been lifted from my back. Why did it seem so hard so long ago? Did the pain lessened and I don’t feel bitter anymore, was that why? Or was it that I came to an acceptance of the past?

“So can we be friends again?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes, “Why not? We weren’t too close before but I feel like this has changed things.”

I laughed a bit. “Yeah…”

Rapunzeled looked at me, pressing her lips into a line before deciding on asking something.

“What...what happened to you Varain?” Rapunzel asked.

The question took me by surprise, it awakened a whole bundle of emotions kept hidden. I felt the calm break, the memories of John, of the Alchemy, came back.

I assume she meant in a mental way, of things I experienced, like the change of character. But it brought more, months and months of pondering. It brought some of the worst thoughts.

I wanted to laugh. To giggle and fall on the floor with tears in my eyes. That’s what I had wondered about myself. What would have I thought of myself a year from now? I raised a hand felt near my neck, softly. But I bit my tongue.

She waited patiently, I felt her tense as a laugh broke out from my lips.

Laughing I said, “It’s funny isn’t it? Alchemy took my Dad away, it hurt me, and yet still I have a  _ stupid _ fasination with it.”

“I don't think that's funny, Varian.” She said slowly, almost worrily.

_ But wasn’t it? _ I thought.  _ Everyone around me-including myself- has been hurt by it somehow. Yet I continue to look at it, think about it, and I’m the one who made it dangerous in the  _ ** _first place_ ** _ ! I’m a failure, I failed Dad, I failed Rapunzel, and now I’m failing the Queen… _

My laughter slowly turned to crying, I tried to hide myself in my knees, but I couldn’t stop shaking. She bent down, and hugged me.

“I’m a failure-I mess everything up- Why can’t I do anything right?” I muttered.

“You aren’t a failure, Varian. People make mistakes, I make mistakes…”

I shook my head in my knees, “I’m failing her, I promised I would try better but I always cause problems-”

“Is that what you think of my mom?” She asked.

I tried to catch my breath for a moment to speak clearer. “She-she hasn’t spoken to me since…”

“Oh,” She gently lifted my face with her fingers. “Varian, she hasn’t visited you because she thinks she failed  _ you _ .”

_ But that doesn’t make sense. I hid it, and even that I failed at… _

“But-” I tried to say, but Rapunzel beat me to it.

“She thinks she failed you, like you think you failed her.”

“But she didn’t even know, it can’t be her fault!” I argued back.

“But that’s what she thinks, but she’s wrong, just like you are.”Rapunzel pointed out.

“I…” I sighed deeply.

The night sky shined brightly with the moon out, as the stars dotted the sky like paint splatters. The night critters hustle about, and an owl could be heard hooting in the distance. It seemed calmly releacting.

“We’ll have to talk some time.” I admitted.

Rupunzel nodded, sitting next to me. “Are you prepared for that?”

I gazed off into the sky,  _ was I? After everything that’s happened… she’d forgive me right? She hasn’t done anything for me to forgive, but I would forgive her regardless... _

“I guess, but I rather spend more days reading or working on alchemy.”

She laughed, and playfully hit me on the shoulder. “Of course, after two weeks, that’s what you need!”

“Hey! There are plenty of books left to read!” I defend.

She rolled her eyes, “Not after another week of  _ you _ reading them!”

I tried to keep a straight face, yet failed and laughed along with her. It was nice, I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like I had a friend like this… 

“Rapunzel,” I asked after our laughter went down. “What happened to Cassandra?”

***

The night was cool, and the breeze restly my blue locks. I looked out of my view to see the island that Castle of Cronia sat on. It seemed high and mighty for now. I smirked, feeling the raw energy at my fingertips. 

_ I’m coming to take my destiny, I’m coming to take Cronia, I’m coming for you  _ ** _Rapunzel_ ** _ . _

A burst of energy flowed out, and the ground around my feet bursted into black spikes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say its much hard as a reader to understand the fanfiction process. Now i'm like every time I write, 'what am i doing?'  
Can I have a competition for which chapter is worst? Is that possible?  
Also, WhY Do I KeEp UnDeReStImAtInG MySeLf???? It was meant to be a short chapter! (wallows in tears)  
Welp, hopefully I'll see you sooner? Depend how life treats me...
> 
> -Brooke out

**Author's Note:**

> YOU MADE IT! I give you a round of applause. Hopeful you didn't cringe to badly.(if so i'm sorry) I hope that you liked it, as much as you could like trash, as this is trash. BUT, anyways if you stay around I may update this story and do more maybe around December. So there's that. Anyways, I hope that whenever you read this you have a good day!;)
> 
> -Brooke


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